The Cat, the Fawn, and the Roses in Winter
by Madianna
Summary: Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a bit of a barny...at the onset of the War of the Roses, Henry VI tries to establish peace by holding a Christmas Court, and inviting the Yorkists and several powerful European families. But with guests like the Capulets, Montagues, and Mercutio, nothing is going to go to plan. Modern day AU.
1. Invitations

Happy Christmas everyone! So, like Lapland last year, this year I'm uploading a Christmas story. However, this story features the cast as children, and attending Henry VI's Christmas Court in my home country of England! It was inspired by the awesome play, The Lion in Winter, featuring Henry II's rocky Christmas Court with his sons and his wife all trying to seize power.

Obviously, it's modern day, so I've taken artistic liberties with medieval kings and whatnot, ie. Ned, the future Edward IV, is a laddish university student.

And, once again, I don't own anything.

* * *

Ned's car zoomed along the motorway. The window was open a crack so that he could try and get rid of the smell of the spliffs he and his mates had smoked without freezing himself to death. If his mother found out about some of his uni antics...let's just say she wouldn't be impressed. And it would be best if his younger brothers didn't start whining about the smell. The wind ruffled his blond hair, and the radio blared out Christmas tunes. Ned sang along loudly. No one was going to hear, so why not?

He grinned, looking at the time. Almost there. The traffic hadn't been that bad, but the journey had been long, and he was looking forward to seeing his family again. How many weeks had it been now? Ned gave up trying to count them. Either way, it would be great to get home and just relax. All of his clothes were bundled into laundry bags so that the servants could do them when he got home.

"Driving home for Christmas" Ned continued to sing "Oh, I can't wait to see those faces!"

The Yorkist Plantagenets had all planned a traditional family Christmas at Ludlow Castle. Everyone was coming home. His dad had decided to put aside the problems with the Lancastrians aside for a couple of weeks so they could just relax and enjoy each other's company. Ned found himself getting angrier and angrier with the Lancasters for treating his old man like shit. It wasn't poor mad King Harry who was the problem, it was that bitch wife of his, and that bratty little son they had together. Once, Ned caught the demon terrorizing the Earl of Warwick's little daughter, Anne, and had almost kicked him down the stairs to see how he liked being bullied. Luckily, his brother Edmund had stopped him just in time.

The car pulled into the driveway. Ned glanced up, and saw Richard's little face peeking out the window. He grinned, and then grinned some more when he saw his brother notice him. Richard's eyes lit up delightedly. Ned could almost hear his brother running downstairs, shrieking "HE'S HERE! HE'S HERE! NED'S HOME! FINALLY!"

Ned climbed out the car, and the door of the castle was thrown open. Richard came running out, with Edmund following at a more leisurely pace. George skulked along behind them, trying to act cool, but Ned knew he was happy to see him too. They were all happy to be reunited.

"Ned! Ned! You're back!" squealed Richard. Ned bent down and scooped him up. Richard flung his arms around him. Ned laughed, and kissed his little brother's dark head.

"Yes, I'm back" Ned smiled "Did you miss me?"

"Yes! I missed you so much!" Richard cried "Now you're here, it's properly Christmas!"

"Move over, Dickon. Where's my hug and my kiss, Ned?" asked Edmund.

"Be patience, Edmund! It's George's turn!"

"Yuck! I don't want to kiss you. Urgh!" George ran back inside. Ned just laughed, and hugged Edmund, whilst still holding Richard. Richard was clinging to him like he couldn't bear to let him go. Ned indulged him, and carried him back into the castle, where the rest of his family were gathering to greet him. A massive Christmas tree was set up in the hallway, and sparkling tinsel was wrapped around almost everything. Ned smiled. Christmas had truly began.

* * *

"Now, Mercutio" said Adelaide sternly "We are about to go through airport security. Have you got anything you shouldn't have in your pockets?"

"No" pouted Mercutio.

"Are you sure?" asked Adelaide.

"Yes" Mercutio blinked innocently.

"All right. I believe you. Now when we go through security, I need you to behave. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mummy"

"Do you understand?" repeated Adelaide "No bomb jokes, no drugs jokes, no knives jokes, none at all!"

"Yes, mummy!" cried Mercutio.

"Right. Now we're going to go through security. Look how Benvolio's behaving. He's behaving beautifully"

Mercutio glanced over at his best friend. He was pale, and clasping his mother's hand very tightly.

"The only reason he's being quiet is because he's scared of flying" retorted Mercutio.

"Well, act like Angelo's son, then, he seems like a good boy"

Mercutio glanced over at the little blond boy clinging to one of his uncle's politician's hands. He'd never met him. He'd only really hung out with the children of the nobility before, rather than the children of those elected into power. He'd seen him a few times, tagging along after Angelo at the palace, but they'd never spoken. Perhaps he'd have to play a few pranks on this kid, and see what he was made of.

"Hey! Wooshy-wo!" yelled a familiar loud voice.

"Hermy-wa!" Mercutio whooped, turning around to see a small red-haired girl standing with the Capulets "I didn't know you were coming too!"

"Yes! All the noble families are coming! My dad says King Harry is trying to get everyone together to make us all love each other and make peace" Hermia pulled a face "And he's doing a talent show for us and some of the other kids. I think I'm going to enter. I'm going to beat Tybalt up in front of everyone so everyone laughs at him for being beat up by a little girl"

"Hermia, that's enough" scolded Lord Capulet, picking his daughter up and carrying her away "I want you on your best behaviour whilst we're in England"

Mercutio shuffled along after his mum. All the adults had told them to be on their 'best behaviour' But what if he didn't have a 'best behaviour?' Mercutio was always as naughty as he could possibly be...

They got through security, and went to the terminal. Escalus led the party, with his Deputy following after, and then Angelo tugging his son along. It seemed to everyone that Angelo was ambitiously coveting the Deputy's position. And he was popular and everyone seemed to like him. Mercutio, however, thought he was a swarmy git.

At the terminals, the Capulets sat on the opposite side to the Montagues, and vice versa. Mercutio and his family sat in the middle. After a while, he got bored, so he scampered off to sit with Romeo and Benvolio.

"Why are you green, Benvolio?" asked Mercutio.

"I don't like flying" mumbled Benvolio.

"Cheer up, Benny" said Mercutio "It's Christmas! We're going to King Harry's Christmas court, where we'll have real snow! We hardly ever get any in Italy, and Harry is King Hal's son, so I know he'll be lots of fun and we'll have a great time"

"I don't see why we couldn't have driven to Calais and taken a ferry to Dover" moaned Benvolio.

"Because plane is quicker" Anthony rolled his eyes "Stop being so stupid"

"He's not being stupid, he's just not used to flying yet" said Briony, Benvolio's mother, gently stroking strands of curly hair out of Benvolio's eyes "But he'll be brave, won't you?"

"Yes, mummy"

"Terminal 5 is ready to board" announced a cool, female voice.

"Oh no..." whimpered Benvolio.

"Benny's a coward!" sang Beatrix gleefully "He's scared of a plane!"

"Don't be horrible to your brother, Beatrix" said Briony firmly. She stood upright, taking Benvolio by the hand. Across the room, Hermia was bouncing with glee to get on the plane. Tybalt looked grumpy. Juliet was as excited as her sister, but seemed to have the hang of this 'best behaviour' thing, and was calmly following her family to wait in line.

Mercutio returned to his family, where they boarded the plane first, since they were the royal family. Paris was looking smug and pompous, playing his part of a little lord perfectly. Mercutio was determined to show him up.

* * *

"And," said Margaret aloud to her personal assistant "And, for god's sake, don't invite the Duke of York and his horrible family"

"Yes, your grace" the young girl replied.

"Margaret, we can't not invite them" said her husband softly.

"Why not?" she demanded.

He looked like he was about to shrivel up in fear. But Harry composed himself, and replied gently "Because Christmas is an important time of forgiving, and togetherness. And I want us to be at peace"

"There'll be more peace if we leave them to whatever they have planned at Ludlow Castle" retorted Margaret "They'll be happy there, and we'll be happy here. The Duke can screw the Duchess to his heart's content, and she can give birth to yet another son, and Edward can screw the local girls to his heart's content, and they can give birth to bastards"

She laughed, thinking how witty she was.

Harry flamed red "Margaret...I know you're upset we didn't have more children...but you know I don't like...don't like to..."

Margaret just rolled her dark eyes. Harry bent his head, ashamed, before trying to speak again.

"They'll be offended if we don't invite them"

"Let them be offended" Margaret rolled her dark eyes again and crossed her legs. The door burst open, and her crimson lips spread in a wide smile "Edouard, mon petit tresor! Why aren't you with your tutor?"

"Because he's a prat and I've fired him" replied Edouard.

"Again? Edouard, you fire tutors every other week!"

"Because I hate them!" snapped Edouard "This one was ugly and fat, and he had man boobs"

"Edouard, mind your language" said Harry, blushing at the mention of the word 'boobs'

"I'll talk how I want!" Edouard snapped at his father. He turned back to Margaret "Anyway, mama, I want to open my Christmas presents now"

"You can't, sweetiepops. If you open them now, it's bad luck"

"I don't care!" yelled Edouard "I want them now!"

"If you open them now, you won't have any to open on Christmas day" said Margaret.

"You can buy me more" replied Edouard.

"Edouard, sweetie, I know you love opening your presents, but we did that last year and by Christmas we were running out of things to buy you"

Edouard's mouth were open and his lower lip wobbled. He glared angrily at his parents.

"But, how about," said Margaret "You open one now. Just one, to tide you over"

"But I want them now!" screamed Edouard "I want them!"

Harry looked horrified.

"You can open two!" Margaret shouted.

"I want to open them all!" Edouard continued to scream "They're mine!"

"All right! Fine! You can open them!"

"Ok!" Edouard bounced off happily towards his pile of presents.

Margaret turned back to Harry "Do you see how upset our son gets? Imagine what he'll do when the vile Duke of York and his brood of brats show up"

"The Duke of York?" Edouard whirled around "What about him?"

Margaret smiled smugly "Papa says we should invite the Duke of York and his family for Christmas court"

"I HATE THE DUKE OF YORK!" roared Edouard "I DON'T WANT HIM HERE!"

Harry cowered in his chair. One of his attendants rushed forwards and offered him a glass of water, murmuring gentle words in his ear.

"Well...perhaps...maybe if we invite them...they probably won't attend anyway if they have plans..." Harry stammered.

"Hmm..." said Margaret "That sounds more like it. And if they refuse to attend, well, we can be the insulted ones"

She laughed. Harry smiled uncertainly. Edouard ripped off the wrapping paper.

"This isn't the bike I wanted!"

* * *

"Tybalt, sweetiepops, do stop sulking" Regina clucked.

"Tibby's annoyed because Rosaline couldn't come" sang Hermia.

"Shut up, stupid girl!" Tybalt snapped.

"You love her" giggled Hermia. She turned and addressed the rest of the plane "TYBALT LOVES ROSALINE!"

"Shut up!" roared Tybalt, aiming a punch at her. Hermia, small and swift as always, ducked quickly, even as she sat in her seat.

"Tybalt! You do not hit people!" scolded Regina "What will King Harry say when we get to England and you act like that?"

"He won't care. His dad beat up all those French people. If he's anything like him then he'll just laugh"

"I don't think so" said Lord Capulet "From what I've heard, he's quite...different, to Hal"

"Different is good, different is cool!" declared Mercutio.

"Unless you're you" retorted Tybalt "Then you're just a goddamn freakshow"

"Tybalt" gasped Regina.

"Don't say nasty stuff to Mercutio!" hooted Romeo. He grabbed his coke and hurled it forwards a few rows at Tybalt. It hit him straight in the face and dripped over his clothes. The Montagues all sniggered, whilst Tybalt seethed.

"That's it!" yelled Tybalt "You're on, Montague!"

He unclipped his seatbelt, and stormed down the aisle towards the Montagues.

"Oh no..." whimpered Benvolio.

"That's enough!" Escalus jumped out in the middle "There will be no fighting in the plane! And when we get to London, there will be no fighting either! I want everyone on their best behaviour. We are representing Verona, and I won't have the whole of England believing we're a bunch of violent nuts"

"But in England, they are a bunch of violent nuts" protested Mercutio "Aren't they fighting over who gets to be king right now?"

"Yes, they are, but that's irrelevant. King Harry wants peace, and so do I, as a matter of fact. Tybalt, sit back down in your chair, Romeo, no throwing drinks, and Mercutio, stop showing off"

"I was not" grumbled Mercutio.

* * *

"Ned, we have so much to tell you!" exclaimed Richard, tugging on his older brother's arm "You've missed so much!"

"All right, all right, calm down, Dickon" Ned ruffled his younger brother's hair. Richard glowed delightedly and wrapped his arms around Ned's waist.

"Edward, darling!" cried his mother, rushing forward to greet him. She hugged him and kissed him on his cheek "Gosh, you're even taller than when you left! Do you ever stop growing?"

"Last time I checked, I was six foot two" replied Ned proudly "So where's the little man?"

"I'll have less of the little, young man" growled his dad, the Duke of York, as he moved out to greet his eldest son and heir "I can still bend you over my knee and give you a good hiding!"

"I've only just got here and you're threatening to beat me?" whined Ned "That's abuse!"

"Naughty Ned!" giggled Richard, still practically bouncing around with delight at having his older brother back.

"Calm down, Dickon. You wouldn't act like this if me and Edmund went away for three months" said George.

"That's because I don't like you, you smelly old poohead" replied Richard.

"You're a smelly old poohead!" George shoved him.

"Oi!" Richard shoved him back.

"That's enough!" Cecily held her two sons off of each other "If I see you two fighting like that again, it'll be you who your father will be giving a good hiding too!"

"Sorry mum" mumbled the two boys.

"Hey, there's a letter down here" said Edmund, reaching under a newspaper on the coffee table.

"Oh, there it is!" sighed the Duke of York "I've been looking for that all week. Open it, son"

Edmund shelled it open "To the Duke of York and his family. You are cordially invited to attend Christmas Court at Buckingham Palace with his grace, King Henry VI and Queen Margaret, and their son, Prince Edward. Christmas Court will begin – that's today!"

"Christmas Court!" spluttered the Duke of York "I thought we weren't invited!"

"And I thought we had plans for a traditional family Christmas" protested Ned "And I drove past London on my way here! Think of all the petrol I've wasted!"

"We can't possibly go" said Cecily "It's too late! If it's starting today, we'll have missed most of the festivities. And anyway, Rich, you said this Christmas you didn't want anything to do with Court. You said, you wanted to have a nice, calm, peaceful family Christmas"

"They are our family" said the Duke of York gloomily "And if they've invited us, then they'll expect us to turn up. If we don't, Margaret will turn it round and say we snubbed her deliberately"

"For goodness sake! Didn't they know we planned our Christmas here?" Cecily cried.

"Yes, they did, but it looks like they seem to have forgotten"

"Well, how do we tell them we can't come?" asked Cecily.

"We can't. Not without Margaret turning it around on us and twisting our actions to make us look like the bad guys"

"We could...tell them we're snowed in" suggested one of their daughters.

"Where's the snow? This is the Welsh Marches. All we have here is rain, and sheep" said Ned.

"We'll have to pack in under an hour and start driving immediately if we want to have any hope of getting there in time" Cecily rubbed her forehead anxiously.

"So, we're going?" asked Ned.

"By the looks of things, yes" sighed the Duke of York.

"That's not fair! You know what will happen! Edmund and I are the oldest, and we'll just get lumbered with babysitting people's kids!" protested Ned "And remember what happened last time I babysat that brat they call the prince?"

"You locked him in a cupboard. How could I forget?" the Duke of York rolled his eyes.

"He deserved it" shrugged Edmund. George and Richard both giggled.

"But Margaret was not impressed" the Duke of York replied "And Harry was horrified"

"Everything horrifies the poor loony king" said Ned "He can't govern this country whatsoever. Why don't they just hand you the crown?"

"Ned, don't say things like that in front of your brothers"

"You mean dad should be the king?" asked Richard.

"That would make us princes!" exclaimed George.

"And how could dad be the king, anyway?" asked Richard.

"We're descended from Edward III's second and fourth son, but Harry and Edouard are descended from Edward III's third son. The rule is that the sons of the first son come before the second son and his sons. His first son and his sons are dead, so that means the crown goes to the second son. But Harry's granddad decided to pinch the crown for himself just because he was a man, and our ancestor who the crown belonged to was a woman. So that's how dad should be king" explained Ned.

"Oh!" said Richard "So...if dad is king...and I'm a prince...does that mean I have to act like a psychotic brat like Edouard?"

"No! Whatever you do, do not act like that!" shouted Ned.

"And don't repeat it!" said the Duke of York darkly "If you say that to the wrong sort of people, Dickon, then they could hurt you very badly. Children, if we're going to Christmas Court, then I want you to listen very carefully. You have all got to be on your best behaviour. You will be representing the house of York, and I want everyone to see how wonderful you are. You mustn't repeat secrets you've heard whispered here, you mustn't taunt the prince, and you must be good! Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, dad!"

"Yes, daddy!"

"Aye, aye, captain!"

"Good. I'm glad that's clear" the Duke breathed heavily and deeply "Now, what are you all waiting for? Pack!"

The children scattered.


	2. Travelling

Moon Lantern - Thanks so much for your review and favourite! You're right in guessing there will be a disaster...And we're not going to see the boys grow, as this is only a chaptered oneshot set during one rocky Christmas Court! You know, it made me laugh, adding all the modern day bits into history! I can see, after the Battle of Tewkesbury, Edward tweeting something like "Just bumped off the last of those Lancasters! #yolo #yorkrocks"

So, we have our guests travelling to Buckingham Palace! Are they in for a nice break, or is it going to be tensions all round? In the first part of this chapter, what Mercutio does to Gabriel, is what me and my brother used to do to our goodie-two-shoes cousins, haha!

* * *

Mercutio waited until the precise moment they climbed into the limousine to drive to Buckingham Palace, before announcing gleefully.

"I need the toilet!"

Which meant they were delayed by another half an hour. Mercutio climbed back into the limousine, only to find that the children had all squabbled and switched places. The last seat available was next to Angelo's son, who sat in the corner by himself and looked very forlorn.

"So what's your name?" asked Mercutio, strapping on his belt.

He looked startled, dark blue eyes fixing on him.

"Gabriel"

"Can I call you Gabby?"

"I prefer Gabriel..."

"Oh, right. So your dad's Angelo, right?"

"Yes"

"Where's your mum?"

"She...she left"

"She left?" Mercutio gasped "Where?"

"I don't know. Dad won't tell me"

Mercutio pretended to look shocked "Maybe she's been abducted by aliens!"

"Aliens?"

"Yes, aliens" repeated Mercutio, grinning "They kidnap people all the time. Whole families of people. Once a member of your family is kidnapped, then you're next. If your mum has been kidnapped by the aliens...then no wonder Angelo takes you to work with him so much. He doesn't want you to be next"

Gabriel looked absolutely terrified.

"But I'm sure they won't kidnap you next. Angelo will probably be next, because he's an adult and a bigger target. But then you'll be all alone on Earth. Have you got any other family?"

"My gran" Gabriel mumbled.

"So you'll probably go and live with her"

"But I don't like her!"

"You'll still have to live with her. But it won't be for long. She'll be next. Have you got any other family?"

"My uncle and aunt, and my cousin"

"You'll live with them for a while, then they'll be kidnapped" said Mercutio "And then it will be your turn. They'll beam you up in a great big white light, strap you down on an experimentation table, cut you open and explore your insides, and when they're done, they'll stuff you full of alien technology and wipe your memories, before putting you back down on earth to be a spy for the aliens"

Gabriel looked even more terrified.

"But it won't be for a very long time" said Mercutio "You've got a few more years left. Try and enjoy them"

Gabriel turned away to look out the window. No one saw the tear drop down his cheek.

* * *

"Can I go in Ned's car, can I go in Ned's car?" cried Richard.

"Yes, fine!" sighed Cecily "Boys, you go in Ned's car so you don't give dad and I a headache"

"Yes!" Richard squealed. He ran and jumped up into the backseat of Ned's car "Phew! It stinks in here, Ned!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, little bro" replied Ned, climbing into the driver's seat.

"Yes, it does" said George, sitting next to Richard in the backseat "It reeks!"

"Yes, Ned, what's that smell?" added Edmund, climbing into the passenger seat next to Ned.

"Shut up" said Ned "Right, goofy Christmas jumpers and Santa hats on, everyone!"

"What?" frowned George. Ned and Edmund pulled on goofy Christmas jumpers and a pair of matching Santa hats. Ned's jumper had a snow man with an orange carrot nose that stuck out, and Edmund's had a reindeer with jingling bells hanging off the antlers. George raised his eyebrows.

"And time for some Christmas music!" Edmund fiddled with the car stereo, and soon 'Jingle Bells' was blaring out the car. York's car pulled out of the car park of Ludlow first. He honked his horn at Ned. Ned grinned, and then started his car. They roared along the lanes of the Welsh Marches, weaving in and out of hills, sheep and mud.

Richard spotted something silver shining under Ned's chair. He bent down and held it up. It said Durex.

"Ned, what's this? Is it a sweet wrapper? I've never heard of Durex sweets"

Edmund roared with laughter.

"Give that here! That's not a sweet wrapper!" Ned spun around, grabbed it, and chucked it out the window.

"Ned's been a naughty boy this year! Getting it on with birds in the back of his car!" sang Edmund.

"Shut up! George and Richard are nine and seven!" retorted Ned "You only wish you could be this lucky!"

"What? I don't understand" frowned Richard.

"Good" said Ned "Now, let's teach you some Christmas carols"

"We know them all" George rolled his eyes.

"No, proper Christmas carols!" Ned cleared his throat "Deck Lancashire with bounds of gasoline! Fa la la la la, la la la la! Strike a match and watch it gleam! Fa la la la la, la la la la! Watch it burn down to the ashes! Fa la la la la, la la la la! Aren't you glad you played with matches? Fa la la la la, la la la la!"

The boys chuckled.

"I thought Christmas was all about forgiveness. I thought we had to forgive the Lancasters" said Richard.

"What a load of tripe. Christmas is about getting pissed and getting laid"

"What does that mean?"

"You'll find out when you're older - oh, and by the way, don't repeat that to King Harry"

The car soon reached the motorway. After driving for an hour or so, Ned glanced out, and spotted his dad's car up ahead. He looked at the clock. They were making good time.

"Can I have a MacDonald's?" asked George.

"Oh, yes, yes! Can I have a Big Mac?" asked Richard.

"And me! Me!" Edmund added.

"Well..." said Ned "We haven't had any lunch and we're making good time. I don't see why not"

He turned his car in the direction of the service stations. York's car carried on towards London, leaving the boys behind.

* * *

"We're almost there, everyone" announced Escalus "Have you got all your belongings together?"

Mercutio stopped telling Gabriel scary stories and grabbed his bag. He checked inside. Balloons, waiting to be filled with water, stink bombs, a klaxon, some laxatives...perfect. The limousine glided down the streets of London. Mercutio peered over Gabriel's head and looked out at the Christmas lights. It looked very festive. He started to feel very Christmassy and excited. He'd heard stories of parties, food, music at Christmas Court, and simply couldn't wait to get in the middle of it.

Finally, they pulled in at Buckingham Palace. Mercutio scrambled out, ignoring his mother's shout at him to wait for her and Valentine. He looked around.

The sky was grey and full of clouds. There was a light drizzle. Mercutio frowned, and shielded his eyes. He looked up at the palace. It wasn't like the palace where he lived, which was of a similar size but also used by the government. The walls and architecture was different.

The rest of the Veronese guests clamoured out as a white car pulled in beside them. A family climbed out. They looked tired, as if they had packed and driven here in a hurry.

"Who's that?" asked Hermia, pointing.

"That's the Duke of York. One of the king's cousins, and his family" explained Lord Capulet.

"Excellent. Some victims for my pranks" Mercutio snickered. Gabriel was standing only a few feet away from him, and he looked horrified again.

"Angelo" he whispered "Angelo! Daddy!"

"What is it?" asked Angelo, turning away from where he had been talking to Prince Escalus.

"You see that boy over there?"

"Which one?"

"The one with the googly eyes and crazy hair"

"Ah...Mercutio"

"Yes"

"What about him?"

"I don't like him!"

"Why not?"

"He _scares_ me" whimpered Gabriel "Please, can we go home?"

"No!"

Meanwhile, the Yorkists were busy arranging themselves.

"Anne...Elizabeth...Margaret...where are the boys?" asked Cecily.

"They must be on their way. They weren't far behind us when we set out" frowned York.

"I'll call them, just in case" Cecily decided. She glanced over at the group of Italians "Oh, look. There are still guests arriving. We're not late after all. This will be fine, won't it, Rich?"

"Of course it will"

* * *

"Edmund, get out of there!"

"I can't!" giggled Edmund, as the pretend train bobbed up and down "I'm stuck!"

"You're such a numpty" scoffed Ned. Richard and George both laughed, and George snapped a picture with his camera.

"You're going to have to pull me" said Edmund "As soon as this thing stops moving"

"That is the sort of thing Dickon should be sitting in, not you!"

"Hey, I'm not a baby! I wouldn't sit in one of those dumb kiddy rides!" protested Richard.

The train finished. Ned grabbed hold of his brother's hands and pulled. Edmund shrieked. Passersby gave them strange look. Why were two upper class young men wearing goofy Christmas jumpers and Santa hats, and why were they playing with the children's rides?

"Ow! Are you trying to pull my hands off, Ned?"

"His legs are stuck!" announced Richard.

"One moment, the phones ringing" Ned dropped Edmund, who fell to the ground with an oof!

"Hello? Oh, hi dad!"

"Where are you?" demanded York.

"That is a very good question...Edmund, where are we?"

"Well, I'm stuck in a kiddy ride" replied Edmund, trying to crawl forwards and free his legs.

"Are you on your way?"

"Sure! We just stopped off for a spot of lunch"

"Lunch? LUNCH! Couldn't you have waited until we got to London?"

"Well, no, I was hungry" retorted Ned "And so were the kids!"

"For God's sake!" yelled York "What do you think Margaret will think if we're late?"

"I think she'll think she's a horrible queen and no one wants to come to her stinking Christmas Court" replied Ned "Hey, Georgy, Dickon, help Edmund out the train ride"

"OWWWW!"

"Whatever. Just get in the car, and get to London, at once!"

"Yes sir!" shouted Ned, hanging up "All right, brothers, we need to get to London pronto. So let's get in the car and step on it!"

"Help me out of here first!" whined Edmund.

* * *

Escalus arranged his court, making sure the Capulet were away from the Montagues, and vice versa, that Mercutio wasn't hiding anything he shouldn't in his pockets, before they began to walk into the palace. Escalus perched his crown on his head, as it was a formal occasion and a formal greeting.

Mercutio scampered along curiously. His first impression was that it was a lot more...organized than the palace where he lived. He usually liked to dress up the decorative suits of armour and draw moustaches on the portraits. Once, he put a feather boa and a tiara on a statue of his great-grandfather, Prince Giorgio.

And everything was so red. So red and gold. Although it was Christmas and those were predominantly the colours used when one was decorating for Christmas, even without the decorations, the red and gold was all that one could see throughout the halls. It made Mercutio start to feel a bit headachy.

"Look at the tree!" gasped Romeo "That is the biggest tree I've ever seen in my life!"

Next to the large staircase was the giant Christmas tree that Romeo was pointing at. It towered above Mercutio, any of the adults, and the tip of it was reachable from the top of the stairs if you leant over the bannister. Unsurprisingly, it was also decorated in red and gold.

They were led through rooms, until they entered the receiving room. Escalus stopped them again, rearranged them, and performed yet another final check. No, Mercutio still didn't have anything he shouldn't in his pockets, and he hadn't picked anything he shouldn't have up, either.

Mercutio sighed. They always suspected him, didn't they? He glanced around at his party. Everyone was wearing their best. The Capulets were wearing their house colours of red, orange and yellow, and a couple of them wore gold necklaces with their emblem on. A wild cat. It suited most of them. Tybalt and Hermia were still squabbling about something. Mercutio looked over at the Montagues, his surrogate family, and they were dressed in their house colours of green, blue and purple. A couple of them were also wearing necklaces, but in silver, and with their emblem on. A fawn.

"I think we're ready. Finally" Prince Escalus took a deep sigh "Here goes"

The door was thrown open. Mercutio scampered in, following his party. Hal's son, Henry VI, was sat on his throne. To his side, sat his queen, Margaret, and on his other side, sat his prince, Edouard.

Forgetting his 'best behaviour,' Mercutio whooped excitedly. He was glad that Hal's son had a son of his own age. Perhaps he'd be fun to play with too. Perhaps they'd both be just like Hal!

"Mercutio" hissed Adelaide, tugging at his shoulder.

Queen Margaret scowled, and Prince Edouard frowned too. But Harry, simply smiled kindly. Mercutio smiled back too, somewhat reassured.

The adults began to introduce themselves to each other. Mercutio's eyes roamed over them. Prince Edward, or Edouard, as his mother pronounced it, was a sullen little boy. He had red hair, and angry dark deep-set eyes. His lips were pink and pouty and turned down in a scowl. Margaret, the queen, was beautiful, but it was a kind of cold, unfriendly beauty. She had red hair like Hermia, but it didn't make her seem warm and friendly, just haughty. Her dark eyes blinked with maliciousness.

The king seemed so out of place with his family. He was above average height, not particularly strongly built, with gentle brown eyes and light brown hair that curled slightly. Around his neck hung a simple silver crucifix. He wore a calm, somewhat absent-minded expression.

He didn't look like how Mercutio imagined Hal's son to look. Mercutio had never met Hal, but had heard and loved the stories about him, and imagined a tall, warrior king with a warm smile and strong arms. He had projected his imagined image of Hal onto his son, and this man was so unalike what he had conjured.

Mercutio glanced at his friends, back and forth. They seemed equally surprised. They hadn't expected this sweet and gentle man.

Not only that, but suddenly, the idea of playing with Prince Edouard didn't seem like such a great idea after all.

But perhaps playing pranks on him might be a bit more fun...

"Stop shoving me, Tybalt" hissed Hermia, pushing her cousin back.

"I am not. Stop breathing on me, minger"

"You're a minger!" Hermia retorted.

"Stop it!" hissed Lord Capulet, tugging his daughter and nephew away from each other.

Adelaide suddenly sighed with relief "They're going to show us to our rooms. Just in time, thank goodness. This whole thing could have gone a lot worse"

"TYBALT LOVES ROSALINE!" yelled Hermia.

"SHUT UP! I DO NOT!" roared Tybalt. He charged at his cousin, but she ducked out the way and Tybalt tripped over his own feet. He landed on to floor near the Montagues. Hermia cackled with laughter. Romeo had begun to laugh, and Benvolio simply giggled. Mercutio laughed too.

Lord Capulet pulled his nephew up and frog-marched his family out the room.

"DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Mercutio heard him shout.

The king looked horrified. Margaret was scowling. Edouard didn't look impressed.

"Addio!" Mercutio waved.

* * *

Ned stamped on the accelerator.

"Right. We can be in London in two hours. I know we can. Right, brothers?"

"Yes, Ned!"

The car shot out of the service station. Ned flicked on the radio.

"Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall?" he sang loudly. His brothers joined in for the next line "Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall?"

They carried on singing, until Ned suddenly changed the lyrics.

"What will King Harry do, when he catches Margaret, kissing Somerset, ahaaa-aaaaaa!"

The boys shrieked with laughter.

"Probably go back to sleep again" sniggered Edmund.

Richard and George both laughed.

"Whatever you do, don't repeat that" said Ned, to George and Richard. He pressed on the accelerator some more and overtook a car "We're going to make it, brothers! I'm not getting stuck behind those tossers. You hear me?"

"Hey, look!" Edmund pressed his face up against the window pane "There's Jasper Tudor! You just overtook his car! He doesn't look happy!"

"Where?" scoffed Ned.

"I can't see, we're in front of him now!"

"Dickon, be a good boy and turn around and see if that was really Jasper Tudor we just overtook or if Edmund is just pulling my leg"

Richard twisted around "That's Jasper Tudor! He looks really angry! And there's a lady with him! She looks really cross!"

"Hey, that's Margaret Beaufort!" George squinted "And she's got her kid with her!"

"Ah" said Ned "Well, needless to say, we don't want to hang around here. Accelerator time!"

"Jesus, Ned! I think we've gone right over the speed limit!" exclaimed Edmund.

"We're going to get there on time, I'm telling you!" Ned said through gritted teeth.

"Please don't kill us first" George grumbled.

Richard turned around "Jasper Tudor is still behind us, Ned! He's speeding up!"

"I know what he wants. You know what he wants. He wants to have a speed race with us" stated Edmund.

"Speed race? I'll give that sheep-shagger a fucking speed race! I'll beat him to London!" yelled Ned.

"Ned, we'll crash!" squealed Richard.

"No, we won't" dismissed Ned "Relax, little brother. Just pretend you're on a rollercoaster"

"Last time Dickon went on a rollercoaster he chucked up" stated George.

* * *

Margaret Beaufort tenderly adjusted Henry's little sleeping suit. He'd finally fallen asleep. They'd had to set out early to get to London on time this morning, and Henry hadn't liked having his routine disturbed. He shrieked as they drove out of Pembroke Castle. Then, he'd vomited all over his sleeping suit, his car seat, Margaret and his Uncle Jasper's seat.

They had to stop and clean out the whole car. Margaret changed Henry, changed her clothes, whilst Jasper scrubbed the sick off Henry's car seat and the rest of the car. It had taken them an hour. Then they were driving again. Then they had to stop, because Henry needed his nappy changed and he was hungry. What was supposed to be a five hour drive had turned into a day long trip. And they were still late.

"What the hell?" growled Jasper.

"What is it?" asked Margaret, glancing up.

"The Duke of York's boy, Edward, or Ned, as everyone calls him, just overtook me. He's speeding like a maniac"

"Oh" said Margaret. She frowned at the car, before turning her attention back to Henry. She couldn't stop looking at him. He was just so little. And he was all she had.

Margaret's husband had died three months before Henry had been born. Margaret had been left, sixteen years old, and six months pregnant. Thank god for her husband's brother, Jasper, who took her in and looked after her. Giving birth to baby Henry had been horrific. Margaret was skinny, and had narrow hips. Trying to push the baby out had been agony. There were times when she had thought they were both going to die.

But no, by whatever miracle, they made it through. Margaret knew she wouldn't be able to have any more children after this, so Henry was special. Margaret was determined that Henry was destined for great things.

"Whatever you do, Jasper, don't risk crashing" she said, tucking a blanket over Henry "Or waking the baby up"

"No, of course I won't. I'm just not going to let that kid get away with overtaking me like that!"

"Jasper! He's a stupid boy showing off, going above the speed limit! Ignore him! We'll get our revenge later. We'll tell your brother, the king, about what the boy was doing and get him in trouble that way"

"Fat lot of good Harry would do" Jasper rolled his eyes "He'd just ask the boy to repent"

"Even if we told him that he endangered his nephew?"

"Even if we told him that he endangered his nephew" sighed Jasper "God, now look at him! He's swerving all over the lane! And he's got his little brothers with him, who are, what, six and nine?"

"Those poor boys" sighed Margaret. Henry snuffled in his sleep, clasping a lock of her dark hair in his tiny little fist. Margaret smiled at him as he wound it around his teeny tiny little baby fingers.

"Let's see how he likes it if I step on his tail" Jasper grinned, speeding up.

* * *

"Ned, Jasper Tudor's still following us!" announced Richard, glancing out the window.

"He can't be, I shook him off miles back"

"No, he's still there!"

Ned glanced around "Ugh, what a prat. Well, we're in London now, and the traffic will be worse, so let's see how he likes trying to catch me now!"

"He'll catch us up at Buckingham Palace and make our Christmas hell" stated George.

"He bloody well won't" cursed Ned.

"Is Jasper Tudor mean like Lord Clifford?" asked Richard.

"Well, he's a Lancaster, so of course he's mean. But he's not as brutal as Clifford" explained Ned.

"Would he try and kill you if the queen told him to?"

"Probably. But I wouldn't let him. I'd kill him first" replied Ned.

"If he tried to kill me, would you protect me?"

"He wouldn't try and kill you, Richard, you're only a kid" assured Edmund.

"But what if I'm not?" Richard persisted "What if I'm your age and he had an axe, would you protect me?"

"Of course we would, Dickon, you're our little brother!" dismissed Ned "Don't worry about that stuff for a while. If any of those Lancasters try and hurt you whilst we're at court, you come to me, and I'll take them out!"

"Yes, Ned" Richard smiled, relieved.

"Look, there's Buckingham Palace!" exclaimed George.

"Excellent! All in good time!" Ned zoomed past the long line of cars waiting at the gates, and drove straight through them.

"Ned!" screamed Edmund "What the hell?"

"I haven't got time to wait around!" shrugged Ned. He parked the car next to his parents, and clamoured out "Hey, mum, dad! See, I told you we'd make it in time!"

"Edward! What the hell are you playing at? You smashed the gates!" roared York "Think of all the trouble you could be in!"

"We can blame it on some chavs, it'll be fine" dismissed Ned, helping Richard out.

"Georgy, Dickon, are you all right?" asked Cecily, quickly checking her youngest two over.

"We're fine" George rolled his eyes.

"Edmund got stuck in a children's train ride thing! We had to pull him out!" Richard chattered.

"Oh, lovely. Now, come on, we'd better go and present ourselves"

Ned picked Richard up, and the family hurried inside.

"It's so red!" stated one of their sisters.

"I think it looks tacky" said Ned.

"Don't say that aloud" muttered Cecily.

"Yes, but seriously, our Christmas tree is much nicer. White, silver, some little snowflakes, the homemade angel with George's face stuck on...that tree looks like someone got stabbed in front of it"


	3. Christmas Tree

Moon Lantern - Thanks for the review! I normally reply in my AN if I'm posting, but I've PM you since it was so long and I had a lot of stuff to explain.

Oh dear! Well, that will make for a dramatic entrance! Now, what chaos will the Yorkists and the Italians cause this evening? The bit where the Yorkists steal a Christmas tree and be rude to Clifford was inspired by the National Lampoon's Vacation. I love that film, it cracks me up!

Also, in the bits where it is from an English character's point of view, any other character speaking in Italian, French, etc, will have their dialogue in that language, because obviously, the English character won't understand it, unless they speak that language too. And if you really need to know what they are saying, just stick it through google translate.

* * *

After being shown to their rooms, the Italians were led down to the great dining room. The tables were slowly filling up, but the royal table was still empty. The Italians sat down at their seats. Escalus ensured that the Capulets were as far away from the Montagues as possible, and then made sure he sat down between them. Mercutio scampered this way and that, wondering whether it would be more fun to sit with Hermia and flick food at Tybalt, or more fun to sit with Romeo and Benvolio and talk about how stupid Tybalt was.

Eventually, he plonked himself down next to Romeo and Benvolio.

Over on an opposite table, young Lady Anne Neville peered around anxiously. Her older sister Isabel squeezed her hand comfortingly.

"What's the matter, Annie?" asked her father, the Earl of Warwick.

"I can't see Dickon anywhere"

"I'm sure he and his family are on their way" said Warwick.

Harry, Margaret and Edouard entered, and the room of guests stood up as a sign of respect. The family went to stand in front of their seats. Margaret smiled charmingly at her guests.

York had not appeared.

Perfect.

She turned to Harry, to tell him it was ok for him to greet the guests and invite them to sit.

The door flew open, and there were the Yorkists. The Duke himself was red from running, and Cecily's golden hair was tousled. Their daughters' pretty Christmas dresses were rumpled from running and sitting in a car for hours on end, and their sons...well, what could one say? Edward and Edmund were both wearing goofy Christmas jumpers and Santa hats, George looked sulky and tired, and Richard was half-asleep and being carried by Edward.

"Sorry we're late" said York "We had to drive here ourselves, and take two cars. Ned was driving the other one, and he got a bit lost"

Margaret glared at each member of the family before letting her eyes linger on the Duke. She began to laugh.

"Ha! So, York, what shall I hang first? You, or the holly?"

There was an awkward silence.

"Mama, you said the Duke of York wasn't going to come. But he's here. And I don't want him here!" Edouard shrieked.

York himself glared at him, before addressing Margaret "I think the holly will be sufficient. Unless you'd like to hang yourself?"

"Rich!" gasped Cecily.

Ned snorted "You tell her, dad!"

Finally, Harry found his voice "Cousin of York, welcome to our Christmas Court. I hope you will be happy and enjoy yourself"

"Papa, I don't want him here!" interrupted Edouard "Send him back!"

"Edouard, mind your manners" said Harry quietly.

"Thank you, your grace" said York, ignoring Edouard.

"Please, take a seat. We saved you some places beside your Neville kin"

"Thank you again, your grace"

"Papa!" Edouard shook Harry's arm furiously "Papa! I told you! I don't want the Duke of York here, I hate him!"

"Edouard, don't be rude" Harry said softly.

"But papa!" screeched Edouard.

"Edouard" said Margaret through gritted teeth "As much as you speak for many of the subjects in this hall, at the moment it isn't necessary. Be quiet"

Edouard swallowed his screeches, and glared at his father and the Yorkists, who made their way over to the seats near the Nevilles. Anne beamed, and shuffled up so that Ned could put Richard down next to her. George plonked himself down opposite them, and Ned sat down next to Richard.

"Richard" sang George softly.

"What?" asked Richard, glancing up.

"You're sitting next to Anne"

"Yes?"

"You love her" George sang "You looooooove her!"

"Shut up!" cried Richard, flushing red.

"George, don't start" said Ned firmly.

"Before we begin," said Harry "I would like us all to thank God for the meal we are about to eat. If you would all be so kind, please join me in saying grace"

"Grace!" shouted Ned. His brothers giggled. York smiled, but quickly hid it when Margaret glanced over.

"Grace!" announced Mercutio, sitting over on the Italian table. His friends all laughed, and copied.

"Grace!" sniggered Romeo.

"Grace!" laughed Hermia.

"Grace!" chortled Valentine.

"Grace!" Richard added, copying Ned.

"Grace!" Isabel and Anne chimed.

"GRACE!" bellowed George, trying to steal the limelight.

"Grace!" Edmund cackled.

"Grace!" their sisters cried.

"That's enough!" Margaret banged her fist on the table. The hall stopped "I think we can go without saying grace this one evening"

Harry sat down, and the whole room sat down too. The starter had just been served, when the door opened again.

This time, it was Jasper Tudor, Margaret Beaufort, and baby Henry who stood there.

"I'm sorry we're late" said Jasper "Little Henry here managed to hold us up, and then some idiot overtook me, and speeded all the way to London, crashed the gates of this palace, and held us up whilst we had to wait for the Beefeaters to clear all the rubble"

He glared across the room at Ned. Ned, being tall, had no chance of ducking and hiding from his glare. Instead, he just grinned.

Margaret seethed with anger.

"So much for blaming it on some chavs" muttered York.

"Jasper, I am delighted you could come" Harry smiled "And Margaret, let me see my new nephew. I hear we share a name"

Margaret blushed with pride. She carried her precious bundle up to the royal table and presented him to Harry.

"He's very handsome" Harry said kindly "Well done. Congratulations"

"Th-th-thank you, your grace!" she stuttered, delightedly.

She and Jasper went and sat in their seats, and the meal continued. Anne chatted happily to Richard about the things she had asked for Christmas, the surprise she had organized for Isabel, whilst George sat opposite and occasionally whispered "Richard loves Anne!" loudly, until Ned told him to shut up.

Back on the Italian table, things were equally as 'calm'

"Tybalt misses Rosaline" taunted Hermia "Tybalt loves Rosaline"

"Shut up!" yelled Tybalt.

"Awww, Tibby wants Ros!" cooed Hermia.

"Hermia, shut your mouth" snapped Lord Capulet "I've had enough of you two both embarrassing me earlier"

"It was Hermia's fault!" exploded Tybalt "She winds me up, and then when I do bad things, I get the blame, and she sits back and laughs!"

"Don't do bad things then, dumb-dumb" Hermia said slowly.

"That's enough! Both of you, pack it in!" Lord Capulet snapped "I wish I'd left you both behind with Rosaline's mother!"

"I wish you had!" Tybalt retorted.

"See? Tybalt loves Rosaline!" Hermia sang.

Further down the table, Gabriel picked at his food.

"Stop playing with your food, Gabriel" instructed Angelo.

"I'm not hungry"

"You must be. You didn't eat anything on the plane"

"Because the plane food was disgusting"

"So eat something now"

"I'm not hungry"

"Go on, eat the chicken. It's delicious"

"I don't like meat. I want to be a vegetarian"

Angelo rolled his eyes "Not this again!"

Meanwhile, Romeo, Mercutio and Benvolio ate their food eagerly.

"I wonder what dessert they'll bring us" said Romeo dreamily.

"Ice cream" said Mercutio "Lots and lots of ice cream"

"No, lots of toffee" said Benvolio "That's my favourite"

"You won't be able to have toffee when you get braces for your ugly wonky old teeth" taunted Beatrix.

"Shut up, Beatrix!" cried Benvolio.

"You're twins, aren't you?" said Mercutio.

"Unfortunately" they both replied.

"So that means you're the same"

"It does not!"

"We are not!"

"Not personality wise" said Mercutio "Just...body wise. So, if Benvolio has ugly wonky old teeth and needs braces, then so do you, Beatrix"

"No, I don't!" shrieked Beatrix "My teeth are perfect! Look"

She bared her teeth at him.

"Beatrix, mind your manners" said Briony "And stop upsetting your brother. There's nothing wrong with having braces, Benny, love"

They settled back down to eating.

"After dinner we should play the Dare Game" decided Mercutio.

"Yes!" beamed Romeo "Dare Game! Dare Game!"

"What if we get in trouble?" asked Benvolio.

"We won't get in trouble" Mercutio dismissed "Unless we're naughty!"

"Shall we invite other people to play with us?" asked Romeo.

"We'll ask Hermia" said Mercutio "And I think I tormented Angelo's son enough today so maybe not him. Those Yorkist kids look like fun. Shall I ask them?"

"If they can understand Italian" said Benvolio.

"Oh, probably not then" shrugged Mercutio.

"What about Prince Edouard?" suggested Romeo.

"No way!" scoffed Mercutio "He's horrible"

"How do you know? We haven't spoken to him. Surely we should give him a chance" said Benvolio.

"Hell no" dismissed Mercutio "He's a brat. I know one when I see one. The only thing he is good for, is pranking"

* * *

"Ok, Mercutio!" Romeo clapped his hands "I dare you to...climb the Christmas tree!"

Hermia laughed delightedly.

"You can't do that!" squeaked Benvolio.

"Watch me" Mercutio shot off towards the tree. He stuck one foot on the first branch and clamoured up. Romeo laughed hysterically as Mercutio scrambled up.

"Higher! Higher!"

"I'm climbing the Christmas tree!" sang Mercutio "Look at me!"

* * *

"And then, the young Duke stabbed the evil witch queen through her heart, rescuing the country from darkness, and crowned himself the king. He married a beautiful peasant girl, who taught many people the healing arts with her knowledge of herbs and spices. They had lots of children, and they lived happily ever after. The end"

"What about the Duke's little brothers? Did he rescue them?" asked Richard sleepily.

"No, he forgot about them. Like all older brothers do when they get girlfriends" grumbled George sleepily, his head under a pillow.

"Shut up! When have I ever forgotten about you?" Ned poked him.

"When mum asked you to pick us up from school, and you were too busy 'entertaining' two ladies in your room" retorted George.

"One, Edmund was supposed to pick you up that day, and two, you shouldn't have walked home by yourselves and interrupted!"

"Whatever" George tucked the pillow more firmly over his head.

Ned simply shook his head, and turned to Richard.

"I'm sure the Duke rescued his little brothers. And I'm sure they were all very happy together" he said, closing the book. He tucked the blankets over Richard and kissed his brother on the forehead "Night, night, Dickon. Get some sleep now. We've got a busy day tomorrow"

"Yes, Ned. Night, night. Love you"

"I love you too" chuckled Ned, switching out the light. He was walking down to his room, when he heard a high-pitched voice singing...

"Sto salendo l'albero di Natale!"

Ned hurried along the corridors and burst out into the receiving hall. Mercutio, the nephew of an Italian prince, was halfway up the tacky red Christmas tree!

"Sto salendo l'albero di Natale!" he sang, gleefully.

Three other children were dancing around on the floor below. Ned chortled with laughter, ran back to his and Edmund's room, and shook Edmund awake.

"Edmund, Edmund, get up! Come and see this!"

"Go away" grunted Edmund, pulling the duvet over his head.

"No, come and see this!"

"What?"

"There's an Italian kid climbing the Christmas tree!"

Edmund flung back the duvet and hurried after Ned. They burst back out into the receiving hall. Mercutio was even higher up on the Christmas tree. Edmund rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Oh my God, that's hilarious! Do you think he's going to hurt himself?"

"He'll be fine. He seems to be a veteran at this kind of behaviour"

Mercutio was three quarters up the tree, where the branches were beginning to thin out.

"Mercutio, scenda ora! E 'pericoloso!" cried one of them.

"No, voglio raggiungere la cima!"

"Mercutio!"

"Che cosa?"

"Si è in calo!"

Mercutio shrieked. He lunged, aiming for the stairwell. He managed to grab a banister and haul himself up to safety. The same could not be said for the tree, which fell down, made a large smashing noise, splintered in half, with baubles and decorations tumbling everywhere.

The remaining three kids just stared at it.

"It's ok!" said Ned, rushing out "Are you hurt?"

"Che cosa?" they spun around and gazed at him with wide eyes.

"Are. You. Hurt?" asked Ned, slowly and louder.

"Ned, they're Italian, they are never going to understand you" scorned Edmund "No matter how loudly or slowly you say it"

"Mercutio!" yelled a voice. They all looked up. Prince Escalus, and his sister, Princess Adelaide, Angelo, Lord Capulet and Lord Montague were gaping over the banisters at the children.

"Uh oh" muttered Edmund.

"Mercutio!" Adelaide shrieked. She ran over to her son and clasped him in her arms tightly, before letting go and shouting at him in Italian.

"Hermia!" roared Lord Capulet. He stormed down the stairs, picked up his daughter, glared at Romeo and Benvolio, and then started to argue loudly with Lord Montague.

Escalus took one look at the tree "Che diavolo facciamo!"

"Don't. Worry" said Ned, loudly and slowly. The Veronese all looked at him. Ned pointed at them, and then the tree "You. Get. Rid. Of. Tree. We. Get. New. One. You. Understand?"

After several repetitions of his words and some bizarre hand gestures, they seemed to have the message, because Escalus, Angelo and Lord Montague ran down the stairs, and grabbed the tree. Adelaide scooped up the other two boys, and started to led them back to their rooms, all the while scolding them. Lord Capulet shook his head, and carried his daughter back to their rooms.

"We're going to replace the tree? Ned, what are you on about? We should get out of here, Margaret will be stalking around like a vulture soon!" cried Edmund.

Richard suddenly emerged, wearing his pyjamas "Ned, what's happening? I heard a loud smash and I made George come with me to check"

"It's nothing, Dickon. Ned was presumably chasing girls again and banged into the tree, and we should get out of here, before Queen Margaret gives us the blame for it" George rolled his eyes.

"Boys, get your coats on, we're off to fetch a new tree" announced Ned "Come on, everyone in the car!"

George and Richard scampered off and came back, wearing their coats over their pyjamas. Ned, meanwhile, darted out across the grounds to the gardener's shed, where he helped himself to a chainsaw and some rope. This could come in handy later. They crammed back into Ned's car, and he drove past the wrecked gates.

"Where are we going?" asked Edmund.

"No idea" stated Ned.

"I'm tired!" moaned Richard.

"Well, it's Christmas, they must have trees around here somewhere" said Ned. They drove past a park, with a large pine tree sitting in the middle "Ah, perfect. We'll get that one"

"Get that tree? Ned, are you out of your mind? You can't steal a tree!" cried Edmund.

"I'm not stealing it! Well...maybe I am, but think about it like this. England belongs to King Harry, so therefore that tree belongs to King Harry. So, if we're going to put it in his palace, we're not really stealing it, we're just...moving it"

George and Richard giggled. Ned parked the car, and opened up the boot.

"Right. Richard, you take the rope, George, you take the chainsaw, Edmund, I need you to help me carry the tree, wait no, actually, Edmund, you carry the chainsaw, I don't trust George with it"

"Oi!"

The brothers trudged towards the tree.

"Ned, I'm cold" complained George "My feet are numb"

"Well, walk faster then. It will make you warm"

"Ned, my legs are frozen!" George continued to complain "I can't feel my hips now, either!"

"Don't be such a drama queen!"

"My arms are frozen!"

Finally, they stood below the tree. Ned gazed up at it admiringly.

"What do you think, boys?"

"I think it looks great!" beamed Richard.

"I do love getting the Christmas tree!" Edmund added.

"What do you think, George?" asked Ned "George? Georgy?"

"His eyes are frozen" replied Richard. George's only response was to chatter his teeth.

"He'll see it later" shrugged Ned. He grabbed the chainsaw, fired it up, and then charged at the tree. Flecks of wood splattered everywhere. Edmund guided his youngest brothers away from the tree as Ned hacked at it. Eventually, the tree started to topple.

"Out the way!" yelled Ned, as it fell. It fell like the first one, but luckily, the spongy ground softened the fall and it stayed intact. Ned and Edmund grabbed it, and dragged it along to the car, where, using the robe, they tied it to the roof of the car.

"We ought to get decorations too. The red ones were all smashed" said Richard, once they all settled in the car.

"God, you're right...ok, look for one of those twenty four hour convenience stores" Ned instructed. They found a Tesco, and rushed inside. Ned grabbed some silver tinsel, whilst Edmund found some white baubles. Richard picked up some red and white candy canes, whilst George found a creepy doll to tie to the top of the tree. They paid for it with York's credit card, and then got back into the car and drove back to the palace. The Italians had managed to dispose of the tree, and not even a wayward smashed decoration was left. The boys set to work untying the tree.

"Hey!"

The boys spun around. Clifford and his wife stood glaring at them from where Clifford was smoking a cigarette in the car park.

"What are you planning on doing with a tree that big?" he scowled at them suspiciously.

"Bend over and I'll show you!" retorted Ned. Edmund, George and Richard shrieked with laughter.

"You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that" Clifford threatened.

"We're not talking to you!" Ned retorted again. Clifford turned around, and saw only his wife, standing stunned beside him.

"You'll regret that, March"

"Oh, really? I'm the one holding a chainsaw, pal" Ned dismissed.

"But your brother isn't" Clifford's eyes flickered from Richard, to George, and finally Edmund.

"I don't like him, Edmund!" whispered Richard "He looks dangerous"

"He is dangerous" Edmund whispered back "Stay away from him. Dad and Ned and I will protect you"

"Which one? I've got three" Ned continued to taunt.

"Hmm...then I'm sure you won't miss one of them" Clifford turned around, and started to walk away.

"Wrong, buddy! I love them all, and if any of your vile scumbags hurt them, I'll stick your head on the city gates!" Ned yelled, revving the chainsaw.

"Ewwwwww, yuck!" squealed Richard.

"Let's get this Christmas tree set up" said Edmund quickly. The brothers untied it, and dragged it into the hallway, where they propped it up into the stand. Richard, being the littlest, started with the tinsel on the lower branches, then George took over, then Edmund, and then Ned, and then they climbed up the stairs to reach the top. Ned and Edmund hung all the white baubles all over the tree, whilst Richard put on the candy canes. George ran up the stairs again, and tied the creepy looking doll to the top of the tree. When Ned glanced up, he snorted with laughter.

"It looks great, brothers" he declared, putting his arms around Edmund and Richard. George clamoured down and joined the hug.

"What time is it?" asked Richard.

Edmund looked at his watch.

"Three 'o' clock in the morning!"

Ned gasped "Quick! Off to bed with you both!"


	4. Discoveries

Moon Lantern - Yes, I think Anne is around four or five. I think I put Richard about seven, so I'm not sure. Maths is not my strong point! Most stories I've read have Ned as a father-figure to Richard, so I guess he would! And thanks! Clifford was a Lancastrian supporter, and the man most people believe responsible for the death of Edmund at the Battle of Wakefield.

Merry Christmas everyone! This story is taking me longer than I thought it would to write. It's not even Christmas Eve in the story yet! But I promise to get this finished before the twelve days of Christmas are up.

So, it's the first official day of Christmas Court, and it starts with a tour for the European guests. Tensions start to arise as Margaret discovers the new Christmas tree, Edouard makes a scary discovery, and Angelo upsets Gabriel twice. I actually felt sad writing the bits with them.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

Gabriel jolted awake "Someone's being abducted by the aliens!"

He scrambled out of bed, ran over to where Angelo was sleeping, and shook him "Angelo! Angelo, daddy, wake up! It's the aliens! They've come for us!"

Angelo groaned "Go away"

He hadn't slept well. He heard that Mercutio and his two friends scampering around all night, and Lord Capulet yelling at Tybalt and Hermia for fighting, and then Lord Montague yelling at Lord Capulet to be quiet, and then Escalus yelling at Lord Capulet and Lord Montague for yelling at each other.

"No, daddy, you have to get up! Mercutio said they'd take you! He said they'd come for you, now they've taken mum, and he said they'd get me when you weren't there to protect me!"

Angelo opened one eye "Did he?"

"Yes! I'm frightened, daddy, I'm frightened" Gabriel burrowed under Angelo's duvet and tried to cuddle him.

"Get off! That's...that's not right, Gabriel, you don't hug other men"

Gabriel looked hurt "But I'm your son"

"That's why you don't hug me. And as for these aliens, Mercutio has been telling you silly stories. There are no such things as aliens, he was trying to scare you"

"Then where is mum?" asked Gabriel.

"She walked out. I told you this. Now, go back to bed"

"But someone was screaming"

"Ignore them. Go back to bed"

Crestfallen, Gabriel climbed out of Angelo's bed, and climbed back into his own bed. He shivered, and tried not to cry. Angelo always told him not to cry. _'Men don't cry'_ he'd snap, every time Gabriel came rushing home in tears because another boy had called him names or laughed at him for having long hair.

Instead, he tried to tell himself how different it would be when he was a famous ballet danseur, and wore beautiful costumes, and danced every night, and everyone applauded him, and everybody loved him and saw him for who he truly was...

* * *

"MAMA!" screeched Edouard "MAMA! COME QUICK!"

Margaret came running.

"Edouard, mon petit tresor! What is it?"

"There's a Chucky doll at the top of the Christmas tree! I HATE CHUCKY!"

Margaret glanced over at the Christmas tree and did a double take. Instead of the red and gold colour scheme she had organized, the tree was now white and silver.

It was a Yorkist Christmas tree.

"I don't like Chucky!" Edouard wailed "He'll kill me!"

"Who did this?" demanded Margaret, as the other members of her court appeared "Who turned the Christmas tree into a Yorkist Christmas tree?"

"Who put Chucky on top?" Edouard screamed.

York himself made an appearance, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Did you do this?" seethed Margaret "Did you put your colours all over our Christmas tree?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, your grace" York rolled his eyes.

"Look!"

York looked at it. He did a double take "I had nothing to do with it"

"Yes, you did! Those are your colours! You switched all the decorations over so that we would have a Yorkist Christmas tree!"

"It's a Christmas tree. It's a non-sentimental being. How can it be a Yorkist Christmas tree?"

"It's white!" screamed Margaret.

Ned meandered out, yawning "What's the matter? I woke up hearing shrieking and yelling. What's going on?"

"_You're_ the one behind it!" Margaret screamed "You're the one who made the Yorkist Christmas tree!"

Ned glanced over at the tree "Oh. So I did. It looks really pretty, don't you think?"

"Ned, you did this?" asked York.

"Yeah. One of the Italian kids climbed up the red and gold one, and it fell down, so I bought us all a new one"

"Oh, that's right. Blame the other guests, why don't you?" Margaret seethed.

"Well, they did. I'm being honest. You can ask them if you want" Ned scowled.

"So, _you_ put Chucky on the tree?" Edouard demanded.

It was actually George who had put Chucky on the tree, but Ned wasn't going to give his younger brother away.

"Yep. I thought it was a Christmas angel" replied Ned.

"I HATE CHUCKY! HE SCARES ME!" shrieked Edouard.

Edouard was afraid of Chucky? Well, that was an interesting piece of information!

"How could you upset my son like that?" snarled Margaret "He's a little boy!"

Ned felt fury bubble up inside of him, and he turned and spat "Anne Neville is a little girl but that doesn't stop Edouard upsetting her every time adult politics forces her to spend time in his vile company"

Margaret was speechless. Thankfully, King Harry wandered out, and the situation was salvaged. Somewhat.

"What's happening?"

"Henry!" Margaret hissed "This...this Yorkist boy has taken our Christmas tree and replaced it with a Yorkist one!"

"I did not. One of the Italian kids climbed on it, pulled it down, so I replaced it!" Ned repeated.

Harry glanced over at the tree "Oh. Well. Thank you, cousin, for replacing our tree"

"You're thanking him? Look what he put on top of it! It's Chucky! Edouard's petrified of him!"

Harry looked at the top of the tree "Oh my gosh! Someone take it down!"

"I'll take it down" sighed Ned, reaching over and untying Chucky. Edouard peeked out from behind Margaret's leg. Ned couldn't resist jerking the doll suddenly in his direction and making a 'bleh' noise. Edouard squealed and pressed his face against Margaret's leg. Ned and his family headed back to their rooms, with Margaret glaring at them.

"Now what? You let them go, like that, after upsetting our darling son?" demanded Margaret.

"I'm sure they didn't mean anything. Edward was just trying to help" stated Harry "I know what will make us feel better. Why don't we go to morning prayer?"

"Ugh!" Margaret replied.

* * *

"They tied a Chucky doll to the top of the tree!" chortled Mercutio "That's too funny!"

"And, Edouard is scared of Chucky!" giggled Hermia.

"I have so many ideas for pranks now. If we find where York's sons have put the Chucky doll, we can grab it, and then stick it to the roof of the lift. Then, we could get two walkie talkies, put one inside of Chucky, wait until Edouard goes in the lift by himself, and then go into the other walkie talkie 'Look up! Look up!' and see what he does!"

The children all giggled.

"So, have you decided what you're doing for the Talent Show yet?" asked Romeo.

"No" sighed Hermia.

"I've got an idea" said Mercutio "We should go into Queen Margaret's room, go in her wardrobe, dress up in her clothes, and do a fashion show!"

"Mercutio! She'll go nuts!" cried Benvolio.

Romeo and Hermia both laughed.

"That is the general idea, Benny" Mercutio rolled his eyes.

"Hermia?" they heard Lord Capulet call "Hermia? Where the bloody hell have you gone?_ Hermia_!"

"What?" asked Hermia, turning around.

"What the hell are you doing, sitting with the Montagues? I told you to stay away from them!"

"I'm not sitting with the Montagues, I'm sitting with my friends" retorted Hermia. Mercutio pulled a silly face. Lord Capulet scowled and shook his head. He picked Hermia up and led her away to sit down with the other Capulets. They all looked grumpy this morning. Probably because last night, Mercutio had got up, woken up Benvolio and Romeo, and made them run down the corridors, knock on the Capulets' doors, and run away again. Hermia and Tybalt began fighting with each other again some point in the night, and Lord Montague had gotten up to yell at Lord Capulet for being unable to keep his kids under control, which prompted Escalus to get up to yell at them for not being quiet.

It had been an interesting night.

Today, however, they were going to have an interesting day. They were having breakfast, then they were going out for the day for a tour of London. Then, in the evening, they were going to watch a performance of _The Nutcracker_. Needless to say, Gabriel was very excited about that. Mercutio and the other guys, not so much.

Mercutio finished eating breakfast, and then returned to his room where his mother scrubbed his face and behind his ears fiercely.

"Now, after your little stunt with the Christmas tree last night" she said firmly "I want you on your best behaviour today. We are representing Verona. Do you want the whole of England to think that Verona is an Italian City State full of crazy loonies?"

"King Harry is a crazy loony!" protested Mercutio.

"That is not funny, Mercutio!" snapped Adelaide "He has a suspected mental illness, which he and his family are trying to keep private, because it's his private business. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mum" pouted Mercutio.

"Right" said Adelaide "You look semi-presentable. Come on. Time to go and join the others"

Valentine, Mercutio's older brother, emerged from the bathroom.

"Valentine, you look lovely and smart" beamed Adelaide "I'm so proud of you"

"Thanks, mum!"

"Come on, then, boys, let's go out"

Adelaide took her sons by their hands and led them out.

* * *

"Richard loves Anne!" sang George "Richard loves Anne!"

"Shut up, George!" shouted Richard, blushing red.

"Next time we see some mistletoe," taunted George "I'm going to push you both under it and make you kiss!"

"Shut up, George!" cried Richard.

"George, shut up" commanded Ned "It's not funny anymore"

"Yes, it is! It's bloody hilarious!" George turned back to Richard "When I get my two gold fish for Christmas, I'm going to name one Richard, and the other one Anne, and they can be a couple. Like you!"

"Stop it, it's not funny!" cried Richard.

"George, shut up!" Ned repeated "Or I'll push you in the River Thames!"

"All of you, be quiet. I'm tired and I have a headache" grumbled Edmund.

"I'm not surprised. Hearing Edouard shriek at the sight of Chucky" snickered George.

"I don't like that doll either" shuddered Richard "Can we put it in someone else's room?"

"No. It's mine!" dismissed George.

"Who paid for it? Me! It's mine" said Ned.

"What did you pay for it with? Dad's credit card! It belongs to him" retorted George.

"So, what are we doing today?" asked Richard.

"Well, the European guests are getting a tour of London" said Ned.

"Do we have to go?" asked Edmund.

"I don't think so" replied Ned "We've seen London plenty of times before"

"I wonder what the others will think" said Richard "Especially what the Italian kids will think"

Ned opened his mouth to reply, but the door to their rooms slid open. Two pretty little faces peeked in. Ned smiled "Hello girls! What brings you here?"

The door opened wide and Isabel and Anne stepped in shyly.

"We came to see if you were still here" said Isabel.

"We're still here. Shuffle up, brothers, so the girls can sit down"

The boys rearranged themselves, and Isabel and Anne came and joined them, so they were all sitting on the bed.

"Everyone else has gone for the tour, but daddy drank a lot of wine last night" said Isabel, a slight giggle escaping her lips.

"That's not like Warwick" remarked Edmund.

"He said something about Prince Escalus' nephew Mercutio being loud and wine helping you to sleep" explained Anne.

"Yeah...wine tends to have that effect" sniggered Ned.

"So why are you all still here?" asked Isabel.

"We're tired" yawned Edmund.

"I liked your Christmas tree!" Anne beamed "It's so pretty! And what you did with the scary doll! Prince Edouard was so angry!"

"Serves him right" George shrugged.

"I'm glad you liked our tree, ladies. We liked decorating it!" Ned laughed.

"I couldn't believe Mercutio climbed it" the girls giggled again.

"He's a naughty boy" nodded Ned "But he's quite amusing"

"I can't wait to see what he does for the Talent Show" said Anne "Are you doing anything?"

"No, I think I'm a bit old for that stuff now" replied Ned.

"I don't think belching the alphabet counts" stated George.

"What about you, Dickon?" asked Anne.

"I don't really have anything I'm good at yet" mumbled Richard shyly.

"You love her!" hissed George in his ear.

"Shut up, I do not!" cried Richard, shoving George. George almost fell off the bed, but Edmund grabbed him in time. But that didn't stop George. He reached in his pocket, pulled out some mistletoe, and held it above Anne and Richard's heads.

"Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!" he taunted.

"Stop it, George!" Richard tried to push George off.

"All right, that's enough!" Ned pulled George away from Richard and Anne "Let them be. I tell you what. Edmund, go in my case, I packed some cards. Who fancies a game of 'Go Fish?'"

"I don't think I know that one" said Isabel.

"I'll teach you" said Ned.

"Not the drinking game version!" Edmund teased, getting up to fetch the cards. Ned blew a raspberry at him, and the girls laughed again. Eventually, they all settled down to game of cards, blissfully unaware of the spoilt and lonely prince who peered through the crack in the door and watched enviously.

* * *

"Twenty nine!"

"Mercutio, stop playing 'Spot the Chav' and sit down! I'm not telling you again!" grumbled Escalus, pulling Mercutio back from the edge of the red double decker bus.

"So, the flag's not flying over Buckingham Palace anymore" Hermia turned around from where she was peering over the edge "Which means King Harry is out with us"

"That's right, Hermia" said Lord Capulet.

"Is he going to wear his crown and shake hands with people?" asked Hermia.

"Something along those lines" Lord Capulet rolled his eyes "Tybalt! Stop slouching! And stop spitting over the edge of the bus!"

"I'm bored!" Tybalt snapped "There's nothing here apart from rain and chavs!"

"I don't know what you're complaining about. You are a chav" Hermia added.

"Shut up, minger! If you're not careful, I'm going to push you over the edge!" threatened Tybalt.

"Don't you dare!" snapped Lord Capulet.

"Tybalt, don't be mean!" chimed Juliet, coming to the aid of her half-sister.

"Number thirty!"

"Mercutio!" Escalus yelled "I told you to stop!"

"And anyway," said Hermia "If all that's here is rain and chavs, why are King Harry and the Duke of York fighting to be king of it?"

"I have no idea. Why don't you ask them?" replied Lord Capulet. Hermia got up, and began to walk towards Harry. Lord Capulet grabbed her and pulled her back "Actually, on second thoughts, don't!"

"That's true. Why doesn't the Duke of York find somewhere else nicer to be king of?" Juliet asked.

"I don't know either" said Lord Capulet.

"What about Disneyland?" suggested Hermia "He could invade Disneyland, kick out Mickey Mouse, and be king of that"

"That would be so cool!" beamed Mercutio "And, there's loads of princesses for his sons to marry, and handsome princes for his daughters, and he could have Mulan as his bodyguard, and Pluto for a pet dog!"

Lord Capulet let the kids get on with inventing an imaginary kingdom in Disneyland for the Yorkists and decided to look back out at London. They were all speaking Italian, so it wasn't like they were going to offend anyone accidently. They drove past the Houses of Parliament.

"Oh, lucky them" sighed Angelo "They get a separate building for the government. And we're all crammed into one palace, getting pranked by a certain boy counting chavs all day"

"Tell me about it" Lord Capulet rolled his eyes. He looked back at Mercutio "I hate that kid"

"Do you know what he's been doing to Gabriel?" asked Angelo.

"What?"

"Telling him stupid stories about his mother being abducted by aliens" Angelo growled.

Lord Capulet sighed "I would suggest telling Gabriel to stay away from Mercutio, but with Mercutio, there is no getting away"

"Hey, Benvolio!" yelled Mercutio's loud voice "Look! There's Big Ben! That's you!"

Benvolio looked at the clock strangely "I don't think so..."

* * *

Excitedly, Gabriel buttoned up his smart light blue skirt and adjusted his formal trousers. His shoes were shiny, and his hair was smooth. He looked in the mirror and found himself wondering what he'd look like in ten years. Would he by then finally be a dancer too?

"What are you doing?" asked Angelo.

"Getting ready!" Gabriel pirouetted on the spot.

"I don't know what you're so excited about, we're only going to see a bloody ballet performance"

"Exactly, daddy! My favourite!"

"We're going to be sitting on our asses for three hours, our butts going numb, just watching people prance around on stage. You're mad!"

Gabriel stuck his chin out "I am not. I have different tastes to you. And there's nothing wrong with that"

He pranced out the room, and collided with a disgruntled Mercutio.

"My uncle Escalus said I had to say sorry to you about telling you your mum was abducted by aliens" Mercutio stated. He didn't sound sorry.

"Oh. Thank you, Mercutio" replied Gabriel.

"You can sit with me and Romeo and Benvolio and make fun of all the stupid ballerinas if you want"

Gabriel tried not to let his offence show "Thank you, but I have to sit next to Angelo"

* * *

"I hate ballet" complained Edouard "It's for girls"

"Now, now, mon petit tresor" said Margaret, as she combed his red hair into place "It's just this once, and for Christmas. When you are the king, and you are hosting your own Christmas Court, then you'll never have to watch a ballet performance again"

"But can't I just stay here like I did this morning?" asked Edouard.

"No, darling, this is a public outing, I'm afraid" Margaret finished combing his hair, and gently kissed his forehead "But I'll buy you some sweets when we're there, and let you read a book"

She held her hand out, and Edouard took it. They joined up with Harry, and then made their way out to the car. Edouard sulked the whole way there, and Harry gazed absent-mindedly into space.

_'What does he think about when he does that?'_ thought Margaret _'Is he having another religious moment? Does he wish he could be rid of our company? I just hope he doesn't fall asleep again...'_

Finally, they arrived. They were ushered through rooms, past crowds, past dancers, and into their seats. Margaret's dark eyes sought out the guests as they found their seats. Edouard sighed and sulked some more, slumping in his seat.

"Sit up straight, poppet. All eyes are on us"

"Then they can watch me be bored" retorted Edouard "Where are my sweets?"

Margaret mentally cursed.

"I'm sorry, darling, but I forgot to get them"

"But I want them!" Edouard shouted. The entire theatre turned and looked at him "I WANT SWEETS!"

The Duke of York stared straight at them. Margaret sat up, uncomfortable in his glare. His children had all turned around and they were watching.

"You can't have them" said Margaret "Because I don't have any. You can have some later when the performance has finished"

"BUT I WANT THEM NOW! I'M THE PRINCE!"

Harry was staring into space again. Margaret wanted to whack him around the head.

_'Help me!'_ she screamed mentally at him _'He's your son! Do something!'_

"You can have them later!" Margaret repeated "I promise you, you can have some sweets later"

"I want them now!" demanded Edouard.

Why was he like this? Was it her fault? Harry's? Margaret had tried to make Edouard happy. She'd given him everything he wanted, given him all her love, made herself look like a fool just to keep him happy, keep him safe.

Across the theatre, the guests looked on as Margaret finally stood up, led Edouard out of the seating area, and back down to the entrance to buy him some sweets.

"If my son ever acted like that," muttered Angelo to Escalus "I would throw him off a cliff"

Gabriel glanced up, horrified.

"That prince puts me off having kids" replied Escalus "And I need to get an heir!"

"Oh, I don't blame you. Gabe's enough. I don't want anymore. Couldn't your brother inherit it after you?" asked Angelo.

"He could, but I don't want him to. It's not fair. He hasn't had the training for it. And if that law eventually gets through, which means we follow equal primogeniture, then I don't want my sister and her children being ahead of my brother in the succession. Just think, if something happened to Valentine...Mercutio would be prince! And that would be a nightmare!"

The men chuckled.

"Ssh!" scolded Gabriel "It's starting!"

The overture began to play. Gabriel gazed eagerly at the stage, practically buzzing up and down in his seat. Angelo and Escalus continued their conversation, albeit in hushed voices to avoid Gabriel telling them off. A few aisles down, Tybalt had fallen asleep and was snoring. Hermia was imitating him, and making Juliet giggle. Further down, Mercutio was telling Benvolio and Romeo rude jokes and they were trying hard not to laugh too loudly.

On the other side of the hall, Ned sat with Richard on his lap. George had been singing "Richard loves Anne!" again, so Ned had moved Richard onto his lap away from him. But, unfortunately, Ned had been sitting next to the Nevilles, next to Anne, to be precise, so now George was sniggering and making kissy noises and romantic gestures at them. Anne was sensibly ignoring them, and Richard was glaring back at George. Perhaps if he didn't stop, Ned would go and sit on George instead, and see how that would shut him up.

Baby Henry snuffled in his sleep, cuddling up to Margaret. She gently rocked him. Edouard's tantrum had woke him up and made him cry, but luckily, once Edouard shut up, he had stopped crying. She watched the dance with interest. It reminded her of when she had been a little girl, before everything became so complicated.

Edouard was snuggling up to his mother, contently stuffing his face with sweets. Harry was gazing into space again, imaging himself flying away out of here, away from his bratty son, his pushy wife, the constant pressure and duties of being king...

He wished he could take them all away from it. Him, Edouard, and Margaret. They'd settle somewhere quiet, in the countryside, perhaps. He would be a teacher, or a priest, and finally do something he loved and that he wanted to do. He'd show Edouard and Margaret that having power and money wasn't everything, and that joy came from the simple things in life. Perhaps Edouard wouldn't be so spoilt, and perhaps Margaret would finally see him for who he was, and maybe even love him for who he was.

* * *

Lord Capulet shepherded his family back into their rooms.

"Tybalt...Juliet...Hermia, go and put that stick back outside"

"But it's my magic wand! We're playing Harry Potter, and we're going to Ollivander's, and this is going to be my wand!"

"Who is 'we'?"

"Me and the boys" replied Hermia.

"Hermia's a slut, hanging out with all the boys!" hooted Tybalt.

"Shut up, Tybalt!" snapped Juliet "You're so mean!"

"Tybalt, she's seven" scolded Lord Capulet "Go to bed"

"Gladly. And don't come and wake me up in the morning, I want to sleep" Tybalt stormed into his room and shut the door.

"Someone's not enjoying Christmas Court" remarked Hermia.

"No one is enjoying Christmas Court. Everyone is just being naughty!" stated Juliet.

"And none more so than your sister" frowned Lady Capulet.

"I'm sure everything will work out" clucked Regina "I'll go and talk to Tibby, maybe he'll perk up a bit"

"Of course he will, Aunty Regina" Hermia rolled her eyes.

"That's enough" Lord Capulet frowned back "Time for bed, everyone, I think"

Hermia and Juliet tucked themselves up into bed together. They fell asleep whispering secrets, like they usually did if Hermia crawled into Juliet's bed in the night.

About an hour or so later, Juliet awoke, hearing raised voices that were broken whispers coming from her parents room. She climbed out of bed, trying not to disturb Hermia. Hermia simply murmured in her sleep and rolled onto her back. Juliet pattered along, and placed her ear against the doorframe.

"She is your daughter, not mine!"

"She's part of our family, regardless!"

"But why should I have to suffer when she's hanging around with...Montague boys, and doing stupid things!"

"Well, you can leave then!" snapped Lord Capulet "Go on! Get out! Sometimes I wish it had been Hermia's mother who I'd married, not you!"

Juliet gasped.

Hermia wasn't her real sister?


	5. Shopping

Moon Lantern - Thanks for the review! As it was so long I replied in a PM!

ComedyMonarchy - Thanks so much for your review! I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story. Everyone is their ages circa 1460, but I could be wrong, as maths is not my strong point. But basically, George, Richard, Isabel, Anne and Edouard are kids, Edward and Edmund are teenagers, and the adults are adults! Haha!

Well! Let's just say Edouard does not like Chucky! Neither do I, for that matter, and it's not fun having a roommate who's obsessed with him and has put his picture as her facebook profile picture *shudder* So, today, the Court goes out Christmas shopping. As you can guess, it's a recipe for disaster...

* * *

"We heard that you can speak English" announced Mercutio, sitting down next to Gabriel at breakfast the next day.

"Yes?" Gabriel nodded, glancing up.

"So, if I wanted to talk to one of the Yorkists or that bratty prince, you could translate for me, right?"

"I could" mumbled Gabriel.

"How come you can speak English?" asked Romeo "I can't speak any languages"

"I like to learn them" Gabriel murmured shyly.

"How many do you speak, anyway?"

"French...German...and some English. I only started learning it a couple of months ago"

"That's good enough for me" Mercutio grabbed Gabriel's hand, pulled him up, and tugged him along.

"Where are we going?" asked Gabriel.

Mercutio stopped in front of the Yorkist table, where George and Richard were busy flicking cornflakes at each other. Ned and Edmund were laughing and joining in.

"Hey Yorks!" announced Mercutio. They all glanced up. Mercutio turned to Gabriel "Tell them I liked the Christmas tree"

"Mercutio say he like Christmas tree" said Gabriel. He knew that most of the grammar was incorrect, but the words were generally right. Learning grammar was for Gabriel the hardest part of learning a new language. It was easy to match words up with their Italian counterparts, but not so easy to fit them together in a sentence.

"Tell Mercutio cheers" replied Ned, flicking a cornflake at Edmund.

"He said cheers" said Gabriel to Mercutio, in Italian.

"And tell them I liked the Chucky doll"

"Mercutio say he like Chucky doll"

"That was me!" grinned George, flicking another cornflake at Richard.

"George!" moaned Richard, as it landed in his hair. He grabbed a handful of cornflakes and threw them back at his brother.

"Richard! That's not fair, that's over-stepping it!" George argued back.

"You threw it in my hair!"

"So? That's the whole point!"

"Meanie!"

"That's enough!" Ned interrupted "If you can't flick cornflakes at each other nicely, don't flick them at all"

"Ask them if I might be able to...borrow Chucky" Mercutio grinned.

"Mercutio ask if he can borrow Chucky" Gabriel repeated.

"He can have him, I don't like it!" replied Richard.

"Hey! Chucky's mine!" George snapped.

"Chucky belongs to us all" said Ned "Why does Mercutio want Chucky?"

"He asked why you wanted Chucky" Gabriel said to Mercutio in Italian.

Mercutio snickered "Let's just say...it involves a certain spoilt prince"

"He say it involve spoilt prince"

"He's going to prank Edouard!" George grinned "Totally! Can we help?"

"No, no! Let them do it. Then, Edouard gets pranked, and we don't get in trouble" said Richard.

"Hmm...I like Dickon's theory" mused Ned "Tell Mercutio he can have Chucky"

"They said that you can have Chucky" Gabriel turned to Mercutio.

"Excellent. Tell them to knock on the door of my room to drop him off" Mercutio sniggered. Gabriel did. The York brothers all grinned, and then they left to go and sit back down at their table. Gabriel tried to concentrate on eating his breakfast, but couldn't help but worry that somehow he was going to be blamed for this. Mercutio, meanwhile, went and sat next to Romeo and Benvolio, and began to tell him his plans.

"I don't like Edouard much" said Benvolio quietly "But that is really mean"

"He deserves it!" exploded Mercutio "He's ruining Christmas for everyone with his constant tantrums!"

"He only had one yesterday, and the day before when the Duke of York arrived. Maybe he just needs a chance" explained Benvolio.

"Well, in that case, I'll get Gabriel to translate and have all the English kids tell me what Edouard's really like" retorted Mercutio.

"You're not being mean to Gabriel as well, are you?" asked Benvolio.

"No. I'm just...seeing what he's made of"

"Mercutio!" scolded Benvolio.

"What?" asked Mercutio.

"That's harsh! He seems lonely to me" Benvolio glanced down the table at him.

"I don't see the point in making friends, anyway" said Romeo "He's one of the elected government people's kids. He'll be gone soon enough. There's no point in making friends if he's not around anymore"

"That's true. They all come and go if they're like that" said Mercutio "After this holiday, we'll probably never see him again"

"So, what do you think we're doing today?" asked Benvolio.

"Well, we had a tour yesterday, and the ballet. Today, I think, we're going to Harrods to do some last minute Christmas shopping" Mercutio replied.

"Oh, is that the really expensive shop?" asked Romeo.

"Yes"

"Sounds fun!" beamed Romeo "Mercutio, are you going to play on the escalators and break things?"

"Yep!"

"Mercutio!" Benvolio scolded.

* * *

Ned opened the door of his car. It had a few scratches and dents from the past two days adventures. Maybe his dad could get him a new one in the new year. He'd had this one since his seventeenth birthday, and it was starting to show signs of wear.

"I wonder what Edouard will do when he sees something that he wants in Harrods" York wandered over, and inspected the car as Ned did.

"Oh, the usual. 'Mama! I want it!'" mimicked Ned.

York snorted "Keep your voice down, son"

Clifford and his family wandered past. He scowled at him, so Ned put up his middle finger. Clifford's eyes widened in anger. Ned just grinned.

"What are you doing?" Edmund rushed up to him "Put your finger down! He'll remember that!"

"Good. He'll remember to fuck off" Ned put his hands in his pockets. Edmund shook his head and sighed. Clifford, however, continued to glare at them. To Edmund, it seemed as if he was committing their faces to memory, so he would always recognise them. He shivered, and concentrated on helping Richard and George get in the car, and then getting in himself.

When they got to Harrods, the boys disappeared, whilst Cecily and York wandered around, arm in arm.

"You're stressing" stated York.

"How do you know?"

"You get two creases between your eyebrows"

"Thanks a lot, Rich"

"What are you stressing about?"

Cecily stopped, and glanced around quickly. There was no one in sight. She leant over and whispered in York's ear.

"I haven't bought the king and queen anything this year, because I didn't think we'd be here"

"Oh, don't worry about that" dismissed York "They probably haven't bought us anything"

"But Harry is our cousin, and he's the king. I don't have anything against him, he's nice enough, it's just _her_. I don't want to give her any reason to be angry with us. And what about the prince? I haven't got him anything either"

"He doesn't _need_ anything. He's a spoiled brat. God, if any of our boys ever acted like that, I would beat them with a stick"

"I quite agree" sighed Cecily "So what shall I do?"

"We'll get them something little. What about socks?"

"We can't give the king and queen of England socks!"

"You got me socks last year!"

"Yes, but you're my husband, and I can give you daft presents!"

"They weren't daft, they kept my toes nice and warm after George kicked a football at the boiler of Ludlow Castle and broke it"

"I doubt Edouard will do anything like that anytime soon" Cecily pursed her lips "So what do you think?"

"How about, for Harry, a nice pillow for the next time he falls asleep"

"Rich! Not funny!"

"Or, for Margaret, a book about parenting skills"

"Rich! You're worse than the boys!"

"And for the little brat, how about a sack of coal?"

"Oh, Rich" Cecily shook her head "Well, let's keep looking. I'm sure we'll find something"

* * *

Juliet stayed silent for the entire trip. Her mother tried to show her several pretty dresses to try and cheer her up, but they were all pink and frilly, and the sort of thing Rosaline would prefer. Her mother often liked to dress her up like a little doll. Juliet found it irritating. She was a person. She'd rather her mother spent time playing with her, rather than dressing her up.

Hermia herself was being as loud as ever. She was running around, bothering Tybalt, and then messing around with the Montague boys. Juliet wanted to join in, but she was too shy to talk to them. And she was sure that they'd tease her.

"What's the matter?" Tybalt appeared at her side. Hermia had run off, so Tybalt was no longer in a bad mood.

"Nothing" murmured Juliet.

"Nothing? Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Juliet nodded fiercely, but tears suddenly leaked from her eyes.

"Juliet? What is it?" Tybalt pulled her into an aisle out of sight, and put his hands on her shoulders.

"I can't tell you!"

"Why not? I'm your cousin"

"It's about Hermia, and I don't want you to be mean to her!"

"I won't be mean to her, she just annoys me!"

Juliet wiped away her tears "Last night, I heard mummy and daddy talking, and dad said he wished it had been Hermia's mother he had married, not her! So, if Hermia has a different mum, then she's not my real sister!"

Tybalt gaped.

But suddenly, it all made sense. Rosaline had once pointed it out to him.

Hermia and Juliet had both been born in 1994.

Juliet's birthday was the 31st of July.

And Hermia's was on the 16th August.

They weren't twins.

And there was no way Lady Capulet could have given birth to Juliet, and then Hermia sixteen days later.

And if you looked at her, Hermia didn't look like Lady Capulet at all.

She looked like a Capulet, sure enough, with red hair, and she acted like one, with her firey spirit, but Lady Capulet was tall, slender, had a heart-shaped face, blue eyes, and blonde hair. Juliet had inherited her blue eyes, tall and slender build, but Hermia hadn't. Hermia was short, skinny, had a round face, with full lips and a wide mouth, and her eyes were green. And none of the Capulets looked like that either. Lord Capulet must have had her with someone else.

Unfortunately, it still meant she was Tybalt's cousin.

At least Rosaline was free from sharing her DNA with the irritating little Montague-licker.

"Who shall we tell?" asked Tybalt.

"Wha...no one! It's not fair, Tibby!" cried Juliet "What if she has to leave and live with her other family?"

"That would be brilliant" Tybalt grinned.

"No, it wouldn't, she's my sister and I love her!" Juliet almost screamed.

Tybalt rolled his eyes "All right, fine, I won't repeat this"

Juliet wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

"Promise me you'll help me protect her if I have to?"

"I promise" Tybalt sighed.

* * *

Margaret browsed through the baby section, with Henry strapped to her chest in a sling. He was gurgling and sucking on his fingers. She gently stroked his downy head. She'd bought all his Christmas presents, but it was his first Christmas, and Margaret wanted everything to be special. She wanted him to have the best of everything, and to be the happiest little boy in the world.

She turned a corner.

"George, get out of there!" giggled Richard.

"Goo goo gaga!" George crowed, sitting in a pram, pretending to suck his thumb.

"I think it suits him, right Edmund?" chortled Ned.

"Yeah, since he's the baby in the family!" teased Edmund.

"We should ask Margaret Beaufort if she has any spare nappies and put him in one!" sniggered Richard.

"I am not the baby! Richard's the baby! And it should be me asking Margaret for some nappies to put you in!" protested George, struggling to get out of the pram.

"I might be the youngest, but I don't act it!" Richard sang gleefully.

"Someone help me out of here!" yelped George, as the pram tipped from side to side.

"Bye George!" sang Ned, turning away.

"Yeah, bye George!" added Edmund, following.

"See you later, Georgy!" Richard sniggered.

"Oi, come back! Get back here! Aaaargh!" The pram's wheels spun, and then it bounced against a wall, and George was sent spinning down an aisle. He shrieked and yelled. As it sped along, it gathered up speed, and aimed for the escalator. Margaret watched with wide eyes.

"Oh, shit!" cursed Ned.

"Someone stop him!" cried Edmund.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screamed George. The pram bounced down the escalator, with George shrieking and yelling to be free inside. Some of the other guests turned and gaped. Some of them ducked quickly, as George zoomed along.

The remaining Yorkist brothers charged after him. Margaret hurried after, wanting to see what was going to happen next, her arms wrapped around Henry protectively. He was snuffling, threatening to start crying.

"George!" roared the Duke of York, running after him.

"Dad! Help me!"

The pram went spiralling along the aisles. Margaret saw some of the Italian kids burst out laughing.

"Look out!" yelped George. King Harry and Queen Margaret suddenly stepped out into the pram's path.

"George! No!" cried York, but it was too late. The pram slammed into the couple. They both fell over, and the pram finally stopped, toppling over. George tumbled away, apparently unhurt, but the same could not be said for the king and queen. At the collision, baby Henry started to wail, and Margaret rocked him and murmured at him to shush, all the while gazing horrified at the accident.

"Mama! Papa!" shrieked Edouard, running over. Queen Margaret stirred, but Harry stayed down. Edouard's eyes widened "Papa's dead?"

"I'm sorry!" gasped George, climbing upright. Everyone looked at Edouard, expecting him to be upset.

"Ha! Papa's dead! I'm the king!" screamed Edouard "Yes! Right, I hereby banish the Duke of York and his family to...New Zealand!"

Harry coughed.

"He's alive!" yelled Jasper.

"What?" Edouard stopped dancing for delight "Oh. So he is. That sucks"

"Edouard" scolded York "That was a terrible thing to say"

"What? I don't like you and I want you on the other side of the world where I don't have to look at your face" pouted Edouard.

"I meant what you said about your own father!" York almost snapped.

Harry slowly climbed upright, shaken. Queen Margaret leapt upright, and glared at George. Harry simply looked at his son, his lip wobbling, and ran off down another aisle.

"How dare your son attack us like this!" snarled Queen Margaret to York.

"It was an accident!" sobbed George "I was just messing around..."

"You could have killed us!" snapped Queen Margaret.

"Oh, and wouldn't that be a shame" mocked York "You seem to have forgotten to let your son know about the Act that means the throne reverts to my family on Henry's death, meaning he should have no cause for celebration if he dies!"

"_That_ was why your son was messing around with the pram!" seethed Queen Margaret "Trying to kill us so you could be the king?"

"As if I would put my nine year old son up to regicide!" scoffed York.

"Oh, really? Because I wouldn't put it past you, you scumbag!"

"Scumbag? I'm a scumbag? Would you like to know what I think you are?"

"Stop it, please!" Harry rushed back. His eyes were damp "It's Christmas. A time of forgiving. I'm sure George didn't mean to do it. I'm sure he and the other children were all just getting a bit over excited"

Queen Margaret turned, to continue her attack. York glared at her. Cecily, meanwhile, was helping George upright, and inspecting him for bruises.

"Boys will be boys" she said firmly "George, I am very disappointed in you. You could have seriously injured someone"

"I know...I didn't mean too...I was just messing around and I lost control when Ned and Edmund and Dickon stormed off and left me!"

"We did not!" protested Richard.

"So all of your sons were responsible for this?" Queen Margaret glared at them.

"Oh, yeah, because I totally pushed him" Ned rolled his eyes "Of course we weren't! George was just trying to get attention"

"I was not, you stupid smelly old ape!" George yelled.

The younger Margaret finally succeeded in persuading baby Henry to go back to sleep. She wandered off, ignoring the drama unfold. The guests were watching, different reactions playing across their faces. Mercutio (everyone had learnt his name and who he was well enough) was laughing delightedly. But Margaret didn't care. She didn't care about any of them. She only cared about Henry.

Because Henry would never act like that.

Henry was special.

And Henry would be a better king than any of them.

* * *

"Where are you going, Mercutio?" called Adelaide.

"Nowhere!" replied Mercutio, barging past her out the room. He was carrying a large bag, which was bulging with stuff.

"Mercutio, what's in that bag? I'm suspicious!" Adelaide called again, as he ran in the direction of the Montague's rooms.

"Nothing!" Mercutio sang. Adelaide made to give chase, but he was gone. She sighed. Well, he couldn't do much worse than what that Yorkist boy George had done earlier that day.

Mercutio darted this way and that, humming the tune of Mission Impossible. He knocked on Benvolio's door first. Benvolio's dad answered.

"Hello, Mercutio" he greeted "What are you up to?"

"Is Benny there?"

"Benvolio! Mercutio's here for you!"

Benvolio appeared "What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter! We're going to have fun" insisted Mercutio "Now, let's get Romeo"

They fetched Romeo, and Mercutio led them into a corner. He opened the bag.

"Oh my god! That thing is so freaky!" Benvolio yelped.

"Chucky's hungry" rasped Mercutio.

"Not funny!" cried Benvolio.

"Why have you got the Chucky doll anyway?" asked Romeo.

"Because we're going to prank Edouard" grinned Mercutio "Now, what we need is something to stand on, because I can't reach the roof of the lift"

* * *

Edouard stomped along to the lift. He pressed the buttons, and climbed inside. The doors glided shut.

"Look up! Look up!" rasped a voice.

Edouard glanced up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

* * *

Margaret stormed along the corridors "YORK!" she roared, hammering on his door. There was no reply. She hammered on the next one "YORK!"

They still didn't answer. Furiously, Margaret pounded on the door. When they still didn't answer, Margaret shoved the door with all her weight.

The occupants screamed.

"Hey, get out!" yelped Ned "We're a bit busy here!"

"You...disgusting...womanizer!" Margaret screeched "Those are my ladies in waiting!"

"Well, for tonight, I'm waiting on them" Ned replied with a wink. The ladies giggled, and pulled the duvet up to cover themselves and Ned. Margaret simply stood, seething.

"Where is your father?" she spat.

"Doing the same thing with my lady mother!" shrugged Ned "Now, can you please get out?"

"Were you responsible for attaching that Chucky doll to the roof of the lift?" Margaret glared at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about" replied Ned "Now, will you please just let me finish?"

"Finish!" giggled one of the ladies. Margaret slammed the door shut and stormed away. Richard, George and Edmund peered out of the younger boy's room and sniggered at Margaret storming off.

"Nice one, Ned!" snorted Edmund.

"Nice one, Mercutio!" George added "Now, they think we put Chucky on the roof of the lift!"

"It's your own fault for almost killing them with a pram" stated Richard.

"Shut up, Dickon"


	6. Babysitting

ComedyMonarchy - Danke schon! (The German for thank you very much!) The Chucky prank that Mercutio does I'm planning to do to my roommate, lol. And I hope you like the ending of this chapter.

Sorry for the late update everyone! I've been busy this week, what with going back to uni and having a big deadline and doing loads of seminar prep :( So here is the next part! It's highly based on several experiences that have happened to me over various Christmasses, where all the kids just get bunged in together. So, Ned and Edmund end up babysitting, and it all ends in tears. And the chapter, of course, ends on an ironic note, because we ALL know what happens!

* * *

Edouard stomped along the hallways of the palace. It was his home, and one day it would be all his, so he went wherever he pleased. He found himself outside the Neville rooms. Without a moment's hesitation, he barged inside.

Anne was quietly singing as she sketched a picture, and Isabel was flipping through an Argos catalogue, occasionally circling things she liked with a pink gel pen and a murmur of approval.

"What are you doing?" asked Edouard. The girls both glanced up.

"Nothing" said Anne quietly. Edouard stormed over and looked at her picture.

"What is that?"

"It's..."

Well, it was Edouard discovering Chucky on the roof of the lift. Richard had said he wished he had a picture of it, so Anne had decided to draw him one for Christmas. But Anne's pictures never came out quite right, and it wasn't finished, so surely Edouard wouldn't be able to tell...

"Nothing" Anne said, covering it.

Edouard scowled "Let me see"

"It's not very good. I'll draw you a better one" Anne said quickly.

"I want to see that one" insisted Edouard.

"Leave her alone, Edouard. She doesn't want to show you" said Isabel.

"And who put you in charge?" challenged Edouard "I'm the prince, and I can look at what I want!"

"Shut up, Edouard, and go to your room" thundered an adult voice. Edouard turned to see Ned storm into the room.

"What are you doing here?" he pouted.

"Babysitting" said Ned "Mum and dad have gone out to do some last minute shopping, and so have Anne and Isabel's mum and dad. So me and Edmund are in charge. I won't have any arguing, so go to your room"

"Make me" sang Edouard.

Ned stepped forwards, ready to pick him up, but Edouard darted away.

"If you let me stay I'll be good"

"You'll be good?" Ned raised his eyebrows.

Edouard nodded quickly. His papa was busy...being king, and his mama was busy telling papa how to be king. He had no friends to play with and he was lonely. Anything was better than being alone in his room right now.

"Right. You can stay. But no tantrums, no screaming fits, no being nasty to the other kids, understand?"

"Yes. Fine" Edouard snapped.

The door opened again.

"Ned, we're all going to watch _Elf_, do you want to watch it too?" asked Richard.

"Yes, we'll all be in there soon, Dickon"

Richard stared at Edouard "Why is he here?"

"Edouard said he's going to be good, so I said he can stay" replied Ned "Edouard, do you want to watch the film with us?"

"Ok" said Edouard, not used to being asked to join in.

"And Ned, do you know how to put the subtitles on in Italian? Edmund can't work it out" asked Richard.

"Why do you want Italian subtitles?" frowned Edouard.

"Because Mercutio and his friends are here too, and they don't speak English" Richard skipped out the room lightly. Edouard followed them, curiously looking around the Yorkist rooms as they entered them. He'd only ever spoken to the Yorkists at formal occasions, when they were dressed in their best and exchanging clipped words of courtesy with his parents. He only knew what they were like through what he'd heard from his mama. It was weird to see them in their...natural environment.

Isabel and Anne came too, and they went and sat on the sofa. Edmund was fumbling with a remote and a DVD player. George was standing over him, making suggestions about how to do it. Their sisters all smiled and greeted Isabel and Anne. Richard immediately grabbed a bowl of crisps and started offering them around politely, making sure he offered them to Anne first. Some of the Italians were here too. Mercutio was jumping on one end of the sofa, and most of the room was laughing at him. Romeo and Benvolio were playing cards, and occasionally glancing at the television to see if the film was on yet. Hermia was listening to a walkman and occasionally busting out a strange dance move. Gabriel was sitting stiffly in the corner of the room, giving Mercutio horrified glances every now and then.

Edouard was surprised to see how well they all got on. How did they do that? Why didn't Anne just go and grab the crisps when she wanted them? And why didn't Richard just hog the crisps to himself? That was what he would have done.

Hermia gave a sudden whirl, almost barging into Ned.

"Whoa, missy!" Ned caught her and set her straight. She giggled.

"Scusate!"

"What does that mean?" asked Ned "Gabriel? Can you tell us what she said?"

"She said sorry" mumbled Gabriel, wrapping his arms around his legs.

"What are you doing in that corner, anyway? Come out and sit with the rest of us. It's Christmas and I won't take no for an answer"

Ned helped Gabriel to his feet and laid down a cushion for him to sit on near the sofa. Hermia took off the walkman, and tapped Gabriel.

"Digli che sto allenando per il talento mostrare"

"She say she practise for talent show" reported Gabriel to Ned.

"You're doing great" Ned grinned at her "Is it a dance performance?"

Gabriel asked Hermia in Italian. She nodded eagerly and replied.

"She say yes, but she say need work"

"Oh, I'll help you out there! I'm a great dancer, aren't I, Edmund?"

"No, you suck!" Edmund called back "Ah, yes, finally! It works!"

"Excellent" said Ned "Come on, everyone sit down"

Edouard chose a cushion nearby Gabriel, who was hugging his knees again.

"Who's looking forward to getting presents from Santa tomorrow night?" asked Ned.

"Me!" shrieked all the kids.

"Babbo Natale?" asked Romeo.

"Is that Santa is Italian?"

Gabriel translated.

"Si!" beamed Romeo.

"Santa's not real" scoffed Edouard "I don't know what you're so excited about"

Ned frowned at him "Edouard, you said you were going to be good"

"I am being good!" snapped Edouard "I just said Santa's not real!"

"Yes, but the other children still believe, so stop saying it" instructed Ned.

Ned's scolding tone of voice annoyed Edouard. He wasn't a real adult yet, he was only eighteen. And Edouard was a prince, and so he was more important than Ned anyway, and so he didn't have to do as he said.

"You can't tell me what to do" Edouard sulked "I'll tell mama and papa"

"And I'll kick you out" threatened Ned "I told you not to be naughty. I said you could stay if you were good. I won't have you being nasty to the other children"

"If you say Santa's not real, he won't bring you any presents" said Anne.

"My mama and papa bring me presents" Edouard rolled his eyes "And I've already opened mine"

"That's bad luck!" exclaimed Richard.

"I don't care. They were mine and I wanted them" shrugged Edouard "And I'm the prince, so I can have what I want"

"Who told you that?" asked Ned.

"Mama did!" Edouard boasted "Mama says I'm the most important boy in the world, and everyone has to do what I say! Mama says I can have what I want, whenever I want, and how I want"

There was an awkward silence. Ned raised his eyebrows, and went to press play.

"So, uh, Edouard" said Edmund "What do you think of your new cousin?"

"My what?"

"New cousin. You know, baby Henry"

"Oh,_ him_" said Edouard disdainfully "I don't like him"

"Why?" asked Ned.

"Because" shrugged Edouard "He cries and poos himself. What is there to like about him?"

"He's your cousin"

"Our families are cousins but that doesn't make us like each other" Edouard shrugged again. Ned sighed and pressed play. He slumped back on the sofa. Richard clamoured up and cuddled up on his lap. Ned wrapped his arms around him protectively, as if he could shield him from this horrible, vile, spoilt prince, and all the ugliness and violence in the world. Edmund lent against Ned's shoulder, and George sat on the floor, leaning back between Ned and Edmund's legs. Edouard watched them curiously for a while, before turning back to the telly.

Although _Elf_ was one of Mercutio's favourite films, he found it hard to stay still long enough to watch it in it's entirety. He rolled onto his belly, and pulled out a piece of paper. He started to sketch a picture of Edouard as an evil little goblin. If that wasn't clear enough, Mercutio scrawled 'PRINCE EDWARD OF LANCASTER, AKA EDOUARD' Romeo glanced over and sniggered. Benvolio looked over, and even he laughed too! Mercutio balled it up, and threw it. It hit Edouard on the back of his red head. He turned around, and unwrapped it.

"Oi!" he screamed.

Ned paused the film "What imaginary crime has happened now?"

Edouard held up the picture. Hermia chortled with laughter. Richard and George sniggered. Anne and Isabel giggled.

"Oh, now that's not nice" tutted Ned, but he was laughing too "Give it here"

"No!" pouted Edouard "I'm showing mama"

Ned grabbed it and stuffed it in his pocket "No, you're not. There's been enough fighting so far. You need to learn how to rise above it"

"That's not fair!" fumed Edouard. He looked like he was about to have another massive tantrum, when the door burst open. Margaret Beaufort was standing there, cradling baby Henry. Henry was flushed red, and crying loudly. She looked worried, and stressed.

"Oh, hello" said Ned, surprised to see her in the Yorkist rooms.

"I've been looking for someone for ages" she chewed her lip nervously.

"Ok" said Edmund "What's the matter?"

"It's Henry. He has a temperature and he won't stop crying. I've tried everything. I can't get hold of Jasper either, he's gone out. I don't know what to do!"

"A temperature? Ugh, Richard used to get those all the time. Have you got any calpol?" asked Ned.

Margaret shook her head "No, I didn't think...I've tried calling Jasper to go and get some but he's not there, and I didn't want to go to the Queen, she-"

She broke off upon sight of Edouard, who glared intently at her at the mention of his beloved mama.

"All right, calm down. Come and sit down. One of us will go and get you some calpol, and we'll calm Henry down"

As the sofa was full, Margaret sat on one of the beds, still cradling Henry. All the other children gathered round for a look.

"Awwww!"

"He's so cute!"

"Look at his tiny little hands!"

"I want him!"

"Lui 'e adorabile!"

"Give them some space" said Ned "Take that blanket off of him, he'll be too hot wearing it"

Margaret fumbled at Henry's blankets. She glanced up at Ned "How do you know about babies? How do you know what to do?"

"I've had plenty of practise" Ned pointed at his brothers and sisters.

"Oh, yeah, because throwing me down the stairs was really good parenting practise" George rolled his eyes.

"I did not throw you down the stairs. You tripped in front of me and I tried to catch you" Ned helped Margaret untie Henry's blankets, and took off his woolly knitted cardigan. Henry kicked and waved his arms around in the air "See? He's much happier already"

Henry was still grizzling.

"Edmund, how about you stay in charge of the kids, whilst I go and get Henry here some calpol?" asked Ned.

"Edmund in charge? Great, I can beat Richard up!" George jumped on the sofa, ready to leap at Richard.

"No, you can't! I'll bite you!" threatened Richard, gnashing his teeth.

"That's enough!" Ned commanded, as Henry began to cry again "Ssh, ssh, ignore the stupid boys. There, there"

Margaret gazed at him, astonished. She couldn't help but suddenly ask, "Why do you care? Why do you want to help me?"

"Because you asked" replied Ned "And Henry's just a baby. He hasn't done anything to me personally, or my brothers" He looked over "Right. Edmund, you don't have a driver's license yet, so you'll have to stay here to watch the kids. Margaret, you stay with Henry and look after him. I'll drive over to the Tesco's we saw the other day and get him some calpol. George, Richard, no wrestling or play-fighting. It always gets out of hand, and one of you ends up crying. Edouard, behave yourself. If I hear you've been a brat, then I'll tell your father. Got it?"

"He won't do anything" shrugged Edouard.

"I don't care. I'll tell _my_ father, and he won't have any qualms about finding a suitable punishment for you" Ned turned back to Henry and tickled him on his tummy "Chin up, little man. I'm going to get you some medicine"

Henry stopped grizzling and smiled a wide, gummy smile.

"He likes you!" exclaimed Richard. He bent over to get a better look, but Henry started grizzling again. Richard backed away, and went and sat back down with Anne.

Ned hurried out to get the calpol.

"Ok, kids. We're going to put the film back on. No name-calling, no drawings, no fighting. Understand?" said Edmund. He sat on the bed next to Margaret, and pressed play. Margaret gently stroked Henry's soft downy head, murmuring gently to him. He seemed to be soothing down.

At first the kids behaved themselves, but then George elbowed Richard. Richard elbowed him back, and before long, both boys were on the floor tussling with each other.

"Stop! Stop it!" commanded Edmund "Ned said, no wrestling!"

"We're play-fighting!" both boys chimed.

"Yeah, and that always ends the way it started, doesn't it?" Edmund rolled his eyes.

"Zuffa!" chanted Mercutio, jumping up and down.

"Zuffa!" yelled Hermia.

"What does it mean?" asked Edmund, looking at Gabriel.

"Fight" replied Gabriel "It means fight"

"Stop it! No fighting! No zuffa!" Edmund stood up, and tried to pull his brothers off each other.

"Loser!"

"Poohead!"

"Smelly ape!"

"Old git!"

"Lancaster face!"

"Clifford's bumhole!"

"Edouard's twin!"

"Hey!" shrieked Edouard.

"Enough!" Edmund shouted, but to no avail. Mercutio and his friends shrieked with laughter at the insults. As the comparisons to various Lancasters became ruder, Edouard started yelling them back. Henry wailed, and so Margaret scooped him up and cradled him, trying to shush him.

"That's it!" yelled Edmund "Richard, George, you come and sit with me and Margaret, and Edouard, go and sit in that corner"

"You can't tell me what to do, I'm a prince!" Edouard snapped.

"No, non sei!" sang a voice in Italian. They turned around. Mercutio was crouched on top of the wardrobe, climbing along and singing.

"What did he say?" scowled Edouard.

"He say Italian word" replied Gabriel.

"What Italian words?" scowled Edouard.

"Non sei un principe!" Mercutio sang. He turned and grinned at the Yorkist children "La mamma di Edouardo ha fetto sesso con Somerset!"

"WHAT IS HE SAYING!?" screamed Edouard.

"Italian word!" Gabriel replied, desperately trying to put Edouard off.

"WHAT ITALIAN WORDS?!" screamed Edouard.

"I know not, my English not good enough yet" replied Gabriel.

"You're lying to me, aren't you?" demanded Edouard angrily, rounding on him "Who the hell even are you, anyway?"

"La mamma di Edouardo è signora cattivo!" giggled Mercutio.

"He say you no prince, your mum have sex with Somerset, and your mum is naughty lady" Gabriel replied honestly. Edouard glared at him, then struck the older, but smaller, boy with his fist. Gabriel fell backwards. His hand flew to his mouth and he gave a cry of pain.

"Angelo! Babbo! Il principe mi ha colpito!" sobbed Gabriel, climbing up, and running out the room.

"Edouard!" yelled an adult voice. Edouard turned around to the see Ned standing in the doorway, clutching a bag "Edouard, are you bullying the guests again?!"

"No" lied Edouard.

"Yes, he is!" exclaimed Anne "He hit one of them!"

Ned glanced to Margaret and Edmund "What happened?"

"Well, Richard and George started play-fighting, and I tried to stop them. They started calling each other stupid names like 'Lancaster face' and 'Clifford's bumhole' and Edouard got offended. I told them off again, but Edouard joined in and so I tried separating them again, but Edouard said he was a prince and I couldn't tell him what to do. Then, Mercutio started saying rude things in Italian about Edouard's mum, and Gabriel translated them, so Edouard hit him"

Obviously, it was Richard and George's fault for starting the fighting by wrestling each other in the first place, but Edouard had taken it too far and hit someone. And it was also Mercutio's fault for saying the rude things about Queen Margaret anyway. But, Edouard was the one who resorted to physical violence, and so he had to be told off first.

"Right" said Ned "I think it's time for a time out for young Prince Prat. What do you think, Edmund?"

"I think we should make it a double!" grinned Edmund.

"No!" screamed Edouard "No! I'm the prince! You can't give me a time out!"

Ned glared at him "Listen up, you little shit. I'm the real Prince of Wales around here, and if you don't do what I say, I'll whip your backside with a riding crop. And don't think of running to mama for help. She's too busy bullying your papa into doing what she wants, and she's left you with us, so we'll punish you how we like. Understand?"

"Waaaaaaahhhh!" cried baby Henry. Margaret shushed him, but she was listening to what Ned had to say very intently.

Edouard swallowed his cries of protest. His lower lip jutted out, and wobbled precariously. Ned grabbed a cushion, and placed it in the corner. He led Edouard to the corner, and sat him down.

"You're going to sit here, for six minutes, to reflect on what you've done. When the time is up, you're going to go to Gabriel's room, say sorry for hitting him, shake hands and make up. Then you're going to come back, and say sorry to the other kids for frightening them and upsetting them. Understand?"

"Yes" sulked Edouard. He sat down. Ned turned back to his brothers.

"I told you not to wrestle, but you did anyway, and ended up fighting each other, as usual. You two, go and sit in the opposite corner. Richard, you'll sit there for seven minutes, and George, you'll sit there for nine. When the time is up, you'll shake hands with each other, say sorry to each other, and then say sorry to the other kids for starting a fight and upsetting them. Then, we'll have a hug and make up. Understand?"

"Yes, Ned" mumbled Richard.

"Whatever" George rolled his eyes, but he sat down with Richard. Ned turned to Mercutio. Mercutio's green eyes were sparkling with mischief. He thought he was going to get away with being naughty because Ned wouldn't be able to tell him off in Italian. But Ned wasn't stupid. Most people thought he only ever thought with the head in his trousers, but they were wrong. He saw how Mercutio reacted when he heard Edouard have his tantrums in English. It was as if he understood _exactly_ what Edouard was saying.

And although Mercutio was the nephew of an Italian prince, wasn't his father English? Hadn't there been a divorce the year before? Maybe he knew more English than he was letting on...

"Mercutio, you were naughty to say those rude things about Edouard's mum" said Ned.

_'Although they're probably true'_ he thought to himself _'I must tell dad, and see what he makes of it'_

"And you stood back and let Gabriel get hurt for it. Go and sit in that corner for eight minutes. When eight minutes are up, you shake hands with Edouard and say sorry for insulting him"

_'I don't blame you, though, he's a goddamn little shit and I agree'_

"And then you go and apologize to Gabriel for letting him get hurt"

"Scusi?" Mercutio blinked, feigning innocence.

"Sit in the corner. Eight minutes" commanded Ned. Mercutio sulked, and stomped off to the corner. The other kids switched the film back on, and Ned turned around, to give Margaret the calpol. She sat baby Henry upright on her lap. His glassy blue eyes blinked, as he looked around the room.

Richard glanced over as baby Henry stared at them.

"What do you think he's thinking?" he asked George quietly.

"I reckon he's secretly plotting to kill someone" grinned George.

"Who?" scoffed Richard.

"You!" George shoved him forwards.

"Oi! No, he would not! He's only a baby!"

"He's a baby now" taunted George "But, it is written in the stars, that some day, Henry Tudor will kill Richard Plantagenet!"

"No, he will not! I haven't done anything to him!" Richard glared at him "You're mean, you are!"

George blew a raspberry.

"Pack it in!" said Ned, as he and Margaret measured out a spoonful of the medicine.

"He's saying Henry's going to kill me!" yelled Richard.

"Don't be stupid, George!" retorted Ned.

"I wouldn't raise my son up to be a killer" said Margaret.

"If Henry kills you" sang Edouard, swaying from side to side as he sat in his corner "He'll be my favourite family member! After mama, of course"

"Will you all please just shut up!" Ned commanded "Henry is not going to kill Richard! End of story!"


	7. Planning

Moon Lantern - Haha, I thought I had to include a bit of irony! And I'm not sure if Margaret proposed to Richard. I haven't come across it in any of the historical books and sources I've come across, only on the White Queen. It would have been funny if they had married, that would have been a very awkward situation at Bosworth!

ComedyMonarchy - Thanks! Ha! I can totally picture Henry doing that with a rattle! I would include it, but I think Henry is only two months old and probably doesn't know how to play with stuff yet. And I don't think there will be a scene of Edouard and Richard with Henry, sorry!

So, today's chapter is a bit of a filler chapter, really. I try not to do these, but I needed a way to bridge between last chapter and the next one I'll be uploading, as the action didn't fit with either of them. And also, I mention three characters (Allegra, Celestine and Tancredo) who don't belong to me, but to my friend Cornadopia. She let me borrow them for a couple of fics I did in the past, and it only made sense to mention them now.

* * *

"One two three!" Hermia chanted, as she began to practise the beginning of her dance. Ned had showed her a couple of dance moves and music videos where she got some ideas. They tried to get Gabriel to come out of his room to translate for them, but there had been no reply. It had been ok in the end, becase Hermia had already picked up on a few English phrases. Ned's Italian, however, stayed minimal.

Juliet watched her sister dancing. She was so pretty and so happy. Juliet liked to see her happy. It made her feel happy too. She hated knowing this secret. What would her parents do about it, though? What if her mother decided she'd had enough of Hermia, and they put her in a Children's Home? Or sent her to live with some relatives? If Hermia went to live with Aunty Regina, that wouldn't be so bad, as then they could still visit. But Hermia and Tybalt hated each other, so Juliet didn't think that was likely. And anyway, Juliet figured that her mother would want to send Hermia somewhere Far Away. What if they sent her to live with her strict Uncle Tancredo and her dramatic Aunt Celestine in Paris? Then Juliet would only get to see her during the summer when her uncle and aunt came to live in Verona. And Uncle Tancredo was nasty and strict. He shouted at his daughter, Allegra, and treated Hermia exactly the same. Hermia would not be happy there.

She was distracted, however, as Hermia suddenly threw her hat across the room.

"Hermia, what are you doing?"

"Rehearsing!" Hermia replied eagerly.

"By throwing a hat?" frowned Juliet.

"Yes! It's part of my dance. I don't have my costume sorted yet, so I can't practise the rest of it. But it's going to be good. Ned told me that George has entered for a joke, and he's going to belch the alphabet. Richard is singing a song that Ned taught him, and Mercutio, Romeo and Benvolio said their routine is a surprise"

"Ok" said Juliet "Do you know what Anne and Isabel are doing?"

"They said they were too shy" Hermia began to run around the room in a circle, waving her arms around "But I think some of those Woodville girls are doing gymnastics. Well, Gabriel told me, from Anne and Isabel. Since he was translating"

"Do you think he's ok after Edouard punched him?" asked Juliet.

"No idea" shrugged Hermia.

* * *

"Oh, Gabe" sighed Angelo.

"Don't call me that" snivelled Gabriel.

Angelo bent down on one knee, so he was looking up at Gabriel, and lifted his chin so that his face was in the light. His son's lip was split, and there was a bruise forming at the corner of his mouth.

Angelo was furious. How dare that brutish thug of a prince hit his little son! Gabriel might be older, but he was smaller and weaker, and not a fighter in the slightest. Half of Angelo wanted to go and find Edouard and punch him in the mouth and see how he would like it, but he knew that punching a prince, and nonetheless a little boy, would wreck his career in politics, and would classify as child abuse. The other half of Angelo wanted to find King Harry and Queen Margaret and yell at them for making such a nasty son. But, Angelo could only speak Italian, and it would do nothing but frighten Harry and infuriate Margaret, and, once again, ruin Angelo's career.

Angelo sighed heavily. He couldn't even protect his son because Edouard was a prince. Edouard would go on throughout his life hurting people at whim, and no one had the power to stop him. Well, King Harry and Queen Margaret did, but Harry was frightened of his son, and Margaret thought the sun shone out of his backside.

It wasn't _fair._

So Angelo did the only thing he could think of to make it better.

He bent down on both knees, and wrapped his arms around Gabriel. One hand rested on his son's blond head. Angelo kissed his forehead lightly.

_'No, Angelo, this isn't right. You don't hug other men. You're not a faggot, are you?'_

A voice that sounded like his father's rang around his head. Angelo almost dropped his hands to his sides and backed away, but Gabriel had wrapped his arms around his waist, and had started sobbing onto his shoulder. He couldn't let go of him now, could he? His little boy needed him. And this was the first time Gabriel had responded to Angelo's affections properly.

"Ssh, ssh, there, there" Angelo soothed "You stay away from that nasty prince...we'll be going home after Christmas anyway..."

"I hate him!" sobbed Gabriel "I hate him! I was only trying to help, only trying to translate like everyone keeps asking me too"

"I know, I know. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know"

"And I couldn't back down and say no. I couldn't refuse to translate for a prince!"

"I know how you feel" said Angelo, thinking of his role in the government. The role that stopped him from being full-time father to his only son, and from being able to keep in contact with his daughters.

"I want to go home now" Gabriel insisted "I want to go back home, right now!"

"We can't, son, we have to stay here for Christmas. It'll be rude to leave" Angelo let go, and looked into Gabriel's deep blue eyes that were so unlike his own "But it will be all right. It won't be long. Stay away from the prince and play with the other Italian kids"

"But they're the problem! They made me get in trouble!" Gabriel tearfully stamped his foot.

"Ssh, there, there. Come on. Let me put a cold flannel on that bruise"

Angelo took Gabriel by the hand and led him into the bathroom, where he soaked a flannel in cold water. Kneeling down, he pressed it to his bruise. Gabriel whimpered.

_'He's so little, anyone could hurt him. He's like a butterfly, dainty and fragile. He must be stronger, or he'll never survive. Not in Verona, where men fight each other like beasts. What if Tybalt Capulet gets mad at him for some reason? That kid is twice as big as Edouard and even shorter tempered. I suppose Gabriel will grow, eventually. I'm his father and I'm six foot. Chances are he'll take after me. I just hope he doesn't stay a victim for very long. My poor, sweet son'_

* * *

"He actually hit another kid?" Cecily shook her head "Rich, we have to do something!"

"Like what?" asked York.

"You know what I mean" said Cecily, suddenly serious, her voice low.

"You mean you finally agree with what I've been suggesting all these year?"

"Yes!" Cecily nodded "That poor child...if Edouard ever did that to Richard or George, I'd be furious. His mother must be so upset"

York peered over as Angelo guided Gabriel to a seat "He seems to only have a father"

"Regardless, I'm thinking of all the other parents who have children here. That little brat needs to be stopped. _Now_. But, for God's sake, don't let our boys be dragged into this and hurt. They're so young"

"Of course not, Cis" York replied "But Ned's an adult now. It's up to him to make his own choices about the role he plays in our cause"

"And Edmund? He's not an adult. But he's a year younger than Ned and adores him. What's to stop him from following his brother into trouble?"

"I will keep Edmund by my side at all times" assured York "No one will hurt him while I'm around"

They stopped talking as their children all piled into the dining room for tea. They sat down noisily, talking loudly. York admired them all. Cecily had given him a wonderful family. Strong, sweet sons, beautiful, brave daughters...he was very grateful.

He had to make the world a better place, for all the other families and their children. If Edouard ever became king...it would be a disaster for all involved. York knew of one way to stop him. It was controversial, but no matter what York did, he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. He was halfway there, with the Act being signed, but he knew that Margaret would fight to crown her son, no matter the costs.

There was only one way...he had to choke the weed before it grew.

If he took the family into his custody, and separated Harry from his wife and son, he could persuade him to abdicate and then allow him to become a priest. That would make Harry happy, and if people saw that Harry was happy then it wouldn't reflect badly on him. With the Act still in effect, he could crown himself and make Ned the Prince of Wales. He'd send him back to Ludlow Castle, to keep the Welsh loyal and win support for their cause. York was confident his son could do it. After all, Ned was charismatic, friendly, and had excellent leadership qualities. All the children of the guests adored him and followed him around.

As for Margaret and Edouard...well, he'd let them live comfortably. He'd ensure Edouard was educated, but it would probably be best to separate mother and son if Edouard were to improve his behaviour and manners. Perhaps he could be sent to boarding school, and allowed to see his mother at the holidays. Perhaps Edouard would be able to visit his father too, and maybe Harry's gentler nature might influence him.

York drifted out of his thoughts as Harry and his family entered. Over on the other end of the hall, Angelo was scowling at Edouard as everyone stood up. Harry bade them all sit as soon as they had said grace. He was a good man. Just not a good king.

York wondered what kind of king he'd be. They wouldn't refer to him as York anymore. He would be King Richard. There had been two kings called Richard before, so that would make him the third. When Ned succeeded him, he'd be Edward the Fourth. That seemed ironic. The numerals after their names were in order.

"Dad?" asked his youngest son.

"Yes, Dickon?"

"Could you help me cut my potatoes, please? I don't want to make a mess over the pretty tablecloth"

"Of course I can, son" York leant over and helped Richard cut them. He was a good boy. If Ned was to be the Prince of Wales, then he would make his three youngest sons dukes. Edmund was the second eldest, so he would take York's current title. But as for George and Richard...Clarence and Gloucester seemed to be popular dukedoms for younger sons.

* * *

After dinner, Tybalt dialled the number that he knew off by heart.

"Hello?"

"Hello Ms. Oftmoro, it's Tybalt. Please may I speak to Rosaline?"

"Hello Tybalt! Are you having a good time in England?" asked her mother, Camilla.

"No" scoffed Tybalt "So can I talk to Rosaline?"

"Of course you can" said Camilla, rolling her eyes at Tybalt's quick temper "Rosaline, love! Tybalt's on the phone for you!"

Tybalt heard the sound of Rosaline scampering down the stairs to take the phone.

"Tibby?"

"Hi, Ros!" said Tybalt, flopping back down on the bed, delighted to hear the voice of his best friend "You ok?"

"I'm fine, Tibby. How's England?"

"A bit boring, really" Tybalt wrinkled his nose "There's this stupid little prince called Edouard. Mercutio keeps annoying him. He goes mental. And he fights with _everyone_!"

"You're not talking about yourself, are you?"

"No!"

"Well, I just thought...since he fights with everyone and is annoyed by Mercutio..."

"He's different. He's Prince Edouard. Everyone calls me the Prince of Cats. And anyway, I haven't hit anyone properly this holiday. Yet"

Rosaline sniggered "So...what's been happening?"

Tybalt told her about the coke incident, about Hermia winding him up, and then he savoured the best for last.

"What is it?" Rosaline asked eagerly.

"Hermia's not your cousin" Tybalt said deliciously.

"What do you mean?"

"Hermia isn't Aunty Cordelia's daughter" Tybalt grinned.

"What?" Rosaline gasped.

Neither of them were naive. They both knew what sex was, and how a man could have kids with a load of different mothers, or how a woman could have kids with a load of different fathers. Rosaline lived on the Burry Estate, where heaps of people had kids out of wedlock.

"So she's a bastard?" Rosaline asked.

"Yep!"

"Rosaline, what are you talking about? That's not a very nice word to use" called Camilla.

"Nothing, mum!" Rosaline called back "Tybalt's just telling me about someone at the English Court"

"Keep your voice down, will you?" asked Tybalt.

"As if I need you to tell me that" Rosaline replied "So...what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know yet. That's why I rung you"

"You want me to think something up?"

"Well...yeah" said Tybalt.

"Has Hermia been annoying you this Christmas?"

"Duh" sighed Tybalt.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Tell _everyone_"

Tybalt snorted "But how?"

"You could write it in a Christmas card and give it to Prince Escalus" snickered Rosaline "No, give it to Hermia herself. Then tell her she has to leave. That will make her cry"

Tybalt chortled with laughter "That is a good idea!"

"Or," said Rosaline deliciously "You could slip it in all the Christmas crackers. Then everyone will see it"

Tybalt laughed again.

"Seriously," said Rosaline "Get some pen and paper and write it, then slip it in every single cracker!"

"What, you mean writing it all out by myself?" frowned Tybalt.

"Well, yes" said Rosaline.

"I hate writing!"

"Well, think about the end result, when everyone is laughing at Hermia" Rosaline scorned.

"But writing is boring" whined Tybalt "And it makes my hand hurt"

"Well, perhaps you could slip it in a few, so that it's random. But remember to do enough for it to be seen" said Rosaline.

"Fine" sighed Tybalt.

"Seriously, Tibby, just think about great it will be when everyone is laughing at her, and she's screwed" Rosaline instructed.

"Yes, Rosaline" Tybalt sighed.

"Good boy" sang Rosaline. Tybalt rolled his eyes but laughed. Rosaline laughed too. They could go on like this for ages. They were exactly in tune with each other, could always tell what the other was thinking. And when push came to shove, they were always on each other's side.

* * *

Queen Margaret had just finished applying the finishing touches to the plan for tomorrow's night Christmas Eve party. They were going to have dinner at five, then there would be dancing, celebrations, before heading off to church at eight. Harry had insisted upon that, however much Margaret had wished it was not the case. Then, they would return and the adults would continue the festivities, whilst the children went to bed to wait for Christmas Day.

A large batch of Christmas crackers had just arrived for the Christmas Dinner. Margaret ordered them to be sent to the room off the side of the kitchen so that they could be brought out at the same time as the cutlery. What she didn't see was the ginger Italian boy nimbly darting along after.

The door closed, and Tybalt waited with baited breath in the corner. He didn't hear a lock click, and so he sighed with relief. He waited whilst his eyes adjusted to the dark, before opening the first box of crackers. If the servants opened each box and placed the respective crackers next to each other, Tybalt could slip the piece of paper in one in every ten, and ensure that someone on each table, of each family, nobility, nationality, found it. He chuckled with laughter, thinking about how clever he was. He and Rosaline were a team, that was for sure. He just wished she was here too, so he had someone to hang out with. He liked his cousin Juliet well enough, but she was usually with Hermia, and that left the Montague boys, Mercutio, his older brother Valentine, and that whimpy Gabriel kid. None of them appealed to Tybalt.

He sighed, threading each and every slip of paper into the crackers. Even just doing one in each box was tedious. Tybalt yawned. He wondered if he'd get some sleep tonight with Mercutio and his friends running around. Tybalt had heard of what they did with the Chucky doll and Prince Edouard. Everyone thought the Yorks were responsible, but nope, it was them.

Tybalt, quite frankly, didn't care. Not his problem. But if that Edouard kid came near him pissing him off...let's just say Tybalt could take care of his own.

Several hours later, Tybalt's work was done. He crept out the room, and started to head up to his room.

"Tibby, darling!"

He turned around to see his mother, Regina, rushing towards him. She seized him in her arms and hugged him.

"Mum" grunted Tybalt.

"Oh, Tibby, I was so worried. I couldn't find you anywhere. I was looking all over, and I-"

Tybalt let her babble on and smother him. It made her happy, anyway. Regina had manic depression, and so it was best to ensure that she was happy so she wouldn't have any mood swings. That was one thing Tybalt and Edouard had in common. They had a parent who was completely bonkers.

The difference being that Tybalt loved his mum.


	8. Christmas Eve

ComedyMonarchy - I actually meant that Edouard didn't love Harry, he's devoted to his mother! And you're right, the Yorks and Lancasters will use bombs and tanks, but not nuclear weapons due to not wanting to earn emnity of the EU, UN, etc.

Moon Lantern - Thanks for the review, I replied in a PM :-)

It's Christmas Eve! Will all things go to plan? By the way, what Richard and George do to Harry is inspired by what happened in my favourite TV show, and what me and my brother used to do when we were younger! And also, I've realised I've made a mistake. I thought Henry Tudor was born in October, making him two months old, but actually, he was born in January, making him eleven months old, which means he'll be able to babble and toddle around. Damnit! So, I will go back and make minor revisions when I'm done so his behaviour is typical of an eleven months old. And secondly, just a warning, this chapter jumps around a lot. I had a lot of characters to visit and such.

* * *

It was Christmas Eve. They had almost made it to the big milestone of Christmas without killing each other. But by the time they were all sitting down for dinner, the tension was so high it could be cut with a knife.

"Daddy, can I drink your wine?" asked George.

"No" said York, moving his glass away.

"Why not?" whined George.

"Because you're ten" retorted York.

"Please!" begged George.

"No!" said York firmly.

George pulled a sulky face.

Sitting nearby, Warwick laughed "Once, Isabel asked me if she could try some brandy. I gave it to her, and she was so disgusted, she never asked again!"

York grinned, and then poured a small glass for George, who beamed delightedly.

"Hey, if he's having wine, I want some!" announced Richard.

York handed George the small glass. George sipped it, and then wrinkled his face up in disgust as he swallowed it. Warwick and York grinned at each other.

"Awesome! I want to try that again!" exclaimed George. He raised the glass to his mouth and tried to take another sip, but York snatched it away.

"That's enough! Right, off you go, you two. I have to talk to Warwick about something"

"About what?" asked Richard.

"Nothing you'll be interested in"

"What?" pestered Richard.

"Politics" replied York.

"Oh, ok, bye"

* * *

Over at the head table, Queen Margaret frowned "Henry!"

"Yes, dear?" sighed King Harry.

"Would you just look at that! York is giving his ten year old son wine!"

"I want wine too!" Edouard interrupted.

"You can't have any, it's bad for you" said Margaret "And the nasty Duke of York is doing a very bad thing by letting George have it. Would you expect me to do such a bad thing to you?"

"No, mama" said Edouard.

"Good boy"

* * *

George and Richard left Warwick and York to talk, and scampered around the dance floor as it began. However, after a while, they noticed Harry remained seated, mulling over a glass of water. He was completely alone. All the lords and ladies were busy with themselves, and if they wanted to gain any favours, it was Margaret they spoke to. They both looked at each other. George nodded. The boys both scuttled over to him.

"Merry Christmas, your grace" said Richard in his sweetest voice. He and George bowed.

"Merry Christmas, George, Richard" Harry smiled "Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, we are" Richard nodded his dark head "But...we're a bit confused about what Christmas is exactly about. Could we ask you some questions about Jesus?"

"Of course you can. Come and sit down" invited Harry. George sat in Margaret's chair, and Richard sat in Edouard's "What did you want to ask me?"

"Well..." said Richard "What would happen if Jesus got attacked by a polar bear?"

Harry just looked at him.

"A...polar bear?" frowned Harry.

"Yes, a polar bear" said George "Would he be all like 'Oooh, I forgive you' or would he be like this 'Die, stupid polar bear! Die, die, die!'"

He grabbed Margaret's cutlery knife and stabbed the table several times to demonstrate.

Harry looked mortified.

"Or," said Richard "You know how King Herod wanted to kill baby Jesus?"

"Yes, Richard?" asked Harry.

"Well, if Jesus was the son of God, then that meant King Herod was a speck of nothing compared to him, even though he was the king, so why didn't baby Jesus just zap him?"

"Zap him?" said Harry faintly.

"Yes!" Richard nodded "Zap him! That's what I would have done"

George sniggered some more.

"Well, I suppose, in theory, he could have...zapped him" said Harry "But Jesus taught that we should forgive, and so he forgave King Herod for trying to kill him"

"But Jesus was only a baby, how could he forgive people?" asked George.

"Well, he was a divine being, he could forgive people, even if he was a baby. And some children do forgive other people for things they do to them when they're babies"

"So..." said Richard "If I went up to Henry Tudor and said "Henry Tudor, you're a poohead and I don't like you,' would he forgive me?"

"Ahhh..." Harry trailed off.

"Or, if I pushed his mother off a cliff, would he still forgive me?" asked Richard.

"I don't think..."

"Can we ask you some different questions, now?" asked George.

"Of course" sighed Harry, eager to change the topic.

"You know you're a Christian" said George.

"Yes, George"

"You know you're a very devout Christian"

"Yes, I am, George"

"Well, what would you do, if Edouard said he was a Satanist?"

Harry was speechless.

"I'll make it easier" said George "What would you do if I said I was a Satanist?"

Harry didn't reply.

"I'm possessed by the devil" rasped George, in a demonic voice "Satan is within me!"

Richard giggled. George giggled too.

"Bye, bye Harry!" the boys leapt up and ran off giggling.

Harry sat there motionlessly.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mercutio had also found a victim to torment.

"Hi, Gabby!" he sang, plonking himself down next to Gabriel, as he watched the dancers eagerly.

"Hello, Mercutio" mumbled Gabriel.

"That bruise looks sore" said Mercutio.

"It is"

"I'm sorry you got punched by Edouard. But it was pretty funny making him mad, right?"

"I guess..."

"And I'm sorry I said your mum was abducted by aliens. It was just one of my silly stories. Would you like to hear a real story?"

"Ok" said Gabriel uncertainly.

"You see King Harry?" Mercutio pointed.

Gabriel glanced up. The Duke of York's sons, Richard and George, were chatting to him.

"Yes?"

"Well, he is actually a werewolf" stated Mercutio.

Gabriel just looked at him.

"He is!" Mercutio nodded "He's a werewolf!"

"No, he isn't!" cried Gabriel.

"Yes, he is" Mercutio nodded again. His green eyes were wide and serious "At midnight, on the full moon, they have to lock him up in his rooms in case he accidently eats someone. And you know how he was apparently in a coma for a year while Edouard was being born?"

"Yes?" Gabriel raised his eyebrows.

"Well, it was because they thought they found a cure for him, so that he would simply sleep through all his transformations. But they tested it out on him, and all it did was make him go to sleep for a year. When he woke up, he was still a werewolf. And the reason that the Yorkists hate the Lancastrians is because Harry bit one of the Duke of York's kids, so they died. And the reason the Yorkists think they should be in charge is because Harry has passed his lycanthropy onto Edouard, and now it's hereditary in their line, and no one wants a werewolf for a king"

Gabriel was horrified.

* * *

"Do we have to go to church?" whined George.

"Yes, we do" said Cecily, helping Richard to tie his laces.

"It's boring!"

"It's what King Harry has planned" said Cecily through gritted teeth "What were you two saying to him, anyway?"

"Just asking him some questions about Jesus" replied Richard sweetly.

"What kind of questions about Jesus?" asked Cecily, an eyebrow raised.

"Just questions about Jesus" shrugged George "Shall we, er, get in the car?"

Their sisters clamoured into the car with their parents, and the boys got into Ned's car.

"Who's excited for church?" mocked Edmund.

"Oh me, goodie goodie" Ned rolled his eyes.

"We asked King Harry awkward questions about Jesus!" laughed Richard.

"And I told him I was possessed by the devil" sniggered George.

Ned laughed "You two! You're terrible"

"Ned, the traffics slowing down, mind where you're going!" said Edmund.

"Mind what?" asked Ned, swivelling around to face his brother.

"There!"

The car ploughed into the back of Clifford's car. Everyone in each car gave a sudden lurch.

"Fucking cunt! He wasn't even indicating!" roared Ned.

"You've gone and done it now, Ned! He won't forget that!" Edmund's eyes widened.

"Fuck him! He can pay my fucking insurance!"

"Ned!" groaned Edmund, as Clifford stormed out to look at the damage to his car.

"March!" he snarled.

Ned wasn't even going to get out the car to speak to him. He unwound the window "Clifford"

"I hope you're going to pay for that" snapped Clifford.

"You're the idiot who wasn't indicating" retorted Ned.

"You weren't looking where you were going!" Clifford hissed.

"Who's fault is that? Oh, it's yours for being so fugly no one wants to look in your direction!" Ned shouted, so that other guests glanced over and heard. York stuck his head out the window of his car and frowned.

"You leave my boy alone, you brute!" he shouted across the car park "You're the adult here, you should be the responsible one, and I saw you weren't indicating!"

"And so did I!" shouted Warwick, leaning out of his car.

Clifford turned, with a face like thunder. Richard tried not to show his fear as the horrible Lancastrian lord rounded on his father. George, however, giggled as Lord Clifford and York started to yell at each other. Eventually, Harry emerged from his car and broke it up, with Clifford still swearing and demanding repayment.

"I feel bad for his kids" was all Ned said, as they began to drive out of the gates again "Having him for a dad. Poor kids"

Finally, they all settled in the church. Harry looked positively delighted at being there. Ned, on the other hand, looked bored out of his mind. He closed his eyes, and laid his head on his shoulder. Richard glanced up, from where he was sitting next to him, and saw his older brother had fallen asleep. He giggled, and nudged George. George looked up and sniggered.

Ned began to snore softly. Edmund glanced across at Richard and George, as he sat at Ned's other side and they all grinned.

Cecily heard her son snoring, and glanced over. Being tall, Ned towered over everyone else in the congregation, and everyone could see how his golden blond head had drooped and softly rose and fell in time with his shallow breaths. His snoring grew louder.

Margaret Beaufort turned around and scowled, as she clutched baby Henry to her chest. Even King Harry turned around and looked shocked. Queen Margaret looked furious.

"Richard!" hissed Cecily.

"What?"

"Wake your brother up at once!"

"Yes, mum" Richard looked up at Ned, and discreetly tried to elbow him "Ned! Ned!"

"Huh?" Ned jolted upright. Most of the congregation were looking at him. He grinned, and sat back down. The service continued in silence.

* * *

"Mum, can I go and play with Romeo and Benvolio?" asked Mercutio, when they got back to Buckingham Palace.

"As long as you behave yourself!" called Adelaide, as he ran off, with or without her permission.

Mercutio ran along to the Montague's rooms and ran inside.

"Guess what?" he laughed.

"Oi! I'm putting my pyjamas on!" yelped Benvolio, chucking the duvet over himself.

"What?" asked Romeo, as he sat watching the telly.

"I told Gabriel that King Harry is a werewolf and he believed me!"

"Mercutio! That's terrible! That poor boy, you shouldn't upset him like that" scolded Benvolio.

"It was funny! And it's not like there's anything to worry about, it's not like it's a full moon"

"Mercutio, it is a full moon" Romeo pointed out the window.

"Oh. Whoops. Hehehehe!" chuckled Mercutio.

* * *

"I don't want to put my stocking up at the end of my bed! I don't want a creepy old man coming in my room!" cried Anne.

"He's not creepy, he's magical!" exclaimed Isabel "You're just being silly!"

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are!" dismissed Isabel, laying out both of their stockings at the end of their beds "Everyone else is hanging up their stockings, and Santa goes in their rooms. Stop being a baby!"

* * *

"Aroooooooooooooooooo!" called Mercutio outside of Angelo's door. Benvolio and Romeo both giggled.

The door opened, and Angelo stood there. He did not look happy. Gabriel was clinging to his leg and looking at Mercutio with a horrified look on his face.

"Mercutio, I'd like a word with you"

"See you later, Angelo! Have a Merry Christmas!"

"MERCUTIO!"

* * *

Ned sipped his beer and then roared with laughter at something Edmund had just said. Edmund smiled back, and sipped it too.

"Reckon Dickon and Georgy will be like us when they're our age?" asked Ned.

"I think we'll always be close" replied Edmund.

Ned ruffled his brother's hair "Of course. And when we're old and wrinkly in the old people's home, then we can have races in our mobility scooters"

"Do you know where Georgy and Dickon are, anyway?" asked Edmund "They ran off somewhere after we got back from church"

"We should look for them. It's better we find them before mum goes mental trying to find them or the bitch queen catches them up to no good"

* * *

"Judgement Day!" growled George in same low voice that he had used to terrorize Harry with earlier. Richard laughed. George grinned, and repeated it "Judgement Day!"

"We should go and do that outside of Edouard's room!" snickered Richard.

"Wake up, Prince Edouard, it's Judgement Day!" growled George "Time to face up to your sins, you naughty prince!"

Richard giggled again, and they ran off in the direction of the family rooms. He peered through the first keyhole.

"Can you see anything?" asked George.

"Nope" said Richard "I think that must be a spare room"

"Try the next one"

They peered through the keyhole.

"Hey, look, there's Margaret!" whispered Richard.

"Is Harry in there too?" asked George.

"No, I can't see him in there anywhere"

"He's probably out praying somewhere" shrugged George "Try the next one, it must be Edouard's"

Richard peered through "No, there's Harry! And he's wearing his pyjamas, so that must be his room"

"They don't sleep in the same bed?" frowned George "Mum and dad only do that when dad comes back from the pub!"

Richard backed away "The last one must be Edouard's"

They peered through.

"Urgh, yuck!"

"What a mess!"

"Even my room is cleaner than that!"

"I bet he has cockroaches!"

"Ewwww, are those his underpants on the floor?"

"Disgusting!"

The boys backed away.

"Oof!"

They turned around. They had collided with their older brothers. Ned and Edmund were both grinning, their eyes were bright and their cheeks flushed. Edmund was wobbling slightly and holding onto Ned for support.

"What are you two doing?" slurred Ned.

"Spying!" the two younger brothers grinned.

"King Harry and Queen Margaret don't sleep in the same bed anymore!" exclaimed Richard.

Ned and Edmund looked at each other.

"Come away from there now" said Ned, taking Richard's hand "If they catch you, you'll be in trouble"

"Are you two drunk?" asked George.

"Might be!" sniggered Edmund.

"Let's get out of here" said Ned. The brothers wandered out of the rooms and through the corridors. But, being inebriated and unfamiliar with the family rooms of Buckingham Palace, they were soon lost, and found themselves in a room full of jewels and treasures.

"Wow!" gasped Richard "Look at this room! Look at that tiara! Isn't it pretty?"

"I think we're in the crown room!" said Edmund "Look! There's Harry's crown!"

"Awesome. We've got to try this stuff on. Here, Edmund, you hold this cloak" said Ned, picking up a cloak and handing it to his brother.

"This isn't any cloak, Ned, this is an ermine cloak. The one Harry wore at his coronation"

"Well, give it here and I'll try it on" Ned wrapped it around his shoulders, and then placed Harry's crown on his head. He reached for the sceptre and the orb next to it, and turned around "How do I look?"

"Really sexy, Ned" said George "Can I wear it?"

"No, it wouldn't fit you. Here, Richard, you can wear Edouard's Prince of Wales stuff, since you're about the same age"

Richard pulled on Edouard's cloak, and put on his crown. Edmund giggled ridiculously, and reached for Margaret's ermine cloak and her crown.

"She'll kill you!" grinned Ned "Right, let's get Georgy dressed up as a duke"

"But I want to wear the king stuff!"

"It won't fit you, you muppet. You can be a duke, there's some smaller stuff for kiddy dukes over here" Ned swooped over, still wearing the crown and the cloak, and pulled it out. He placed a heavy jewelled gold chain around George's neck and then gave him a crown.

"I look like I'm wearing bling" stated George.

"Hey, look, Ned, try on Harry's signet ring!" Edmund jabbed a finger at it. Ned pulled it out, and tried to slip it on his little finger.

"Bloody hell, his fingers must be bony, this wouldn't fit a rat! Richard, you've got skinny fingers, you try it on"

Richard slipped it on his finger. It was a bit loose, but given a few years, it would have fit him perfectly.

"Let's get a picture!" snickered Edmund "Right, in a line, George and Richard at the front, me and Ned at the back!"

He pulled out a camera from his pocket, and held it in front of them. The camera snapped. Ned grabbed it and looked at the picture as it showed up on the screen at the back.

"Edmund, you idiot, you've cut your head out of it! Let me try" Ned held it out, and the brothers crammed into the picture, pulling silly faces. They looked at the picture, laughed, and then posed again. Ned took some on his own, pulling a coy face and then raising his eyebrows in a freaky manner.

"Ned, that's scary!" squealed Richard.

Ned sniggered, and took the crown off "Come on then. It's getting late. We better put this back before anyone realises"

The brothers returned the items to their original places. So maybe Margaret's crown was shifted a few centimetres to the right, or Edouard's ostrich feathers were wonky, no one would tell, right?

* * *

"Daddy" whispered a high-pitched voice "Daddy!"

Angelo opened one eye "What?"

"It's a full moon" whimpered Gabriel "What if King Harry is really a werewolf?"

"He's not a werewolf" sighed Angelo "We've been over this. King Harry is a nice man, who wouldn't hurt anyone"

"Yes, but if he's a werewolf he doesn't know what he's doing!" exclaimed Gabriel.

"He's not a bloody werewolf! Mercutio just likes making up silly stories. Is Queen Mab real?"

"I don't know. She might be"

Angelo sighed, and rolled onto his back. Gabe was so gullible, it was unbelievable. But Angelo knew how blunt his son could be, and how literal he was, so it made sense for him to take everything seriously.

"Look, I'll tell you what. King Harry is not a werewolf, but if you're worried, you can sleep in my bed tonight, as long as you shut up, go to sleep, and don't wiggle. Understand?"

"Yes, daddy!" Gabriel dived under Angelo's duvet and cuddled close. Angelo just rolled his eyes and put his arms around his son. After all, it wasn't often when they got along.

* * *

The Yorkist brothers weren't the only ones to sneak into the royal rooms that night.

Mercutio, Benvolio and Romeo needed their outfits for their act in the talent show.

At one 'o' clock in the morning, they climbed out of bed, and pattered along the corridors. They slipped into Margaret's room, and into her walk-in wardrobe. Perfecto.

They snuck back out, with their costumes, and hid them in their rooms.

But they still weren't _quite _finished.

After all, Edouard needed to be punished for being so naughty this holiday.

And so the boys began what they called "Operation Santa"

Edouard's presents were removed from under the tree, and from his stocking. And replaced with what all naughty boys get for Christmas.

A sack of coal.


	9. Christmas Day

Cornadopia - Nope, there is more! Read on, my friend!

Comedy Monarchy - No, a little taste can never hurt, but we all know how George likes to get his drink on! And as for Edward IV being the culprit of what goes wrong, he's certainly to blame for the children's behaviour!

Moon Lantern - Poor Harry! My brother and I used to do that to religious people all the time. We were terrible! And anyway, you're right, Ned wasn't looking and it's just as much his fault as Clifford's for not indicating, but everyone just wanted an excuse to argue, if you know what I mean. As for the wine thing, the ironic thing is, back in the medieval days, giving wine to kids was a much safer option than giving them water!

Sorry for the wait! Been busy at uni and stuff. Plus I had to finished writing this chapter. I believe I have two more chapters to go and then I'll be finished. Yay! I can't believe I'm still posting this and it's February. It was only meant to be a Christmas story! But I guess I was having too much fun with it.

The last segment of this story is inspired by a conversation between Cersei and Tyrion Lannister, on my favourite tv show, Game of Thrones. Some say that Cersei and her son Joffrey were inspired by Margaret of Anjou and Edouard of Lancaster's supposed reputations. There's an interesting blog about it that I can send to anyone who is interested.

* * *

"NED! WAKE UP!" screamed Richard, leaping on his brother "It's Christmas! Get up!"

Ned groaned, his head panging. From the other side of the bed, Edmund raised the pillow, but then dumped it back on his head again and ignored his brother,

"Go away, Dickon!"

"No, Ned! It's Christmas! You have to get up because I want to give you your present. And then you have to help me wake Georgy up, and then mum and dad!"

"All right, I'll get up" sighed Ned "But first, you have to run down to the kitchens and get me a cup of strong coffee"

"And me!" added Edmund, his voice muffled under the pillow.

"Yes, Ned! Yes, Edmund!" Richard scampered out the room, still wearing his pyjamas, and ran down to the kitchens. The corridors were empty. He ran through the Italian rooms. There was definitely noise coming from there. Richard could bet it was Mercutio.

He fetched their strong coffee and brought it back, not spilling a drop. Ned was sitting upright in bed by the time he returned, and was rubbing his eyes. Edmund had emerged from under the pillow, and was blinking sleepily.

"Here you go" Richard plonked it on the table and clamoured up to sit next to his brother. Ned sipped his coffee, whilst Richard watched him, silently admiring all the naughty things Ned did – drinking, partying, having lots of girlfriends. He wanted to be just like his brother when he grew up.

Eventually, Ned finished the coffee, and climbed out of bed.

"Where's the boy wonder?"

"You mean George?" asked Richard.

"Yeah, where's Georgy-porgy?"

"In bed. I tried to wake him up but he wouldn't answer"

"All right" said Ned. He wandered out the room and into Richard and George's. George was burrowed under the duvet, snoring. Ned sat down quietly at the end of the bed and lifted the duvet to reveal George's feet.

"TICKLE TIME!"

He seized one in one hand and began to tickle it. George shrieked and squealed.

"Get off me! Get off me!"

"Wake the bloody hell up! It's Christmas! Poor Dickon had to come and bother us whilst you sleep like a pig!"

"That's not fair, get off!" George struggled.

"Not until you get up!" Ned tickled and tickled until George climbed out of bed.

"Fine! Where are my presents? If I've got to get up I want them now"

"You sound like a brat" stated Ned "I wonder what Edouard's up to"

That was when they heard a scream!

* * *

"Edouard! Edouard, darling, time to open your presents!" cooed Margaret.

"Wake up, son" said Harry, sitting down on the side of Edouard's bed and gently ruffling his red hair "It's Christmas!"

Edouard flung the covers up "Yes! More presents!"

"Edouard, aren't you going to say morning pray-"

"I don't care about your stupid morning prayers, I want my presents!" snapped Edouard. He snatched his stocking. It seemed heavy and bulky. Edouard was pleased. It meant he had lots of presents this year. He tipped it upside down. A pile of dusty coal fell out.

"Wha..." he gasped.

Margaret's eyebrows raised.

"WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?!" screamed Edouard "I WANT THEM NOW!"

"I...I don't know what's happened, sweetie" Margaret tried to sooth "But it seems someone has-"

"I want my presents!" wailed Edouard "I want them!"

"Oh, sod it!" yelled Harry. Margaret and Edouard looked at him, stunned "You don't deserve any presents, you brat! You don't know anything about the true meaning of Christmas and what it means to me! So...so...why don't you just have another one of your tantrums, and scream at your mother, because I'm sick of you and I can't cope anymore! I'm abdicating, and you're disinherited!"

"Are you a moron? That would make York king!" snapped Margaret.

"Exactly" Harry breathed heavily and deeply "He's better suited to it than I am, and what's more, unlike you, Edouard, he cares about people"

He got up, and stormed out. Margaret's mouth opened and closed.

She was not giving up.

* * *

The morning of his and Rosaline's plan rolled round. Tybalt laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. No one came to wake him up or get him out of bed. If Tybalt had a bad temper during the day, then he had a ferocious temper early in the morning. No one would dare bother him.

Outside, he could hear Hermia being loud and irritating. As usual.

But very soon, Tybalt would never have to put up with her again...

* * *

After a morning spent apart, the families congregated in the great hall to have breakfast and then give each other their presents. Mercutio, Romeo and Benvolio peered over eagerly at Edouard. His eyes were red from crying, and his face was also red, from shouting and getting angry. Margaret was anxiously stroking his hair and soothing him, but Edouard seemed despondent.

"Do you think he liked his sack of coal?" whispered Romeo, as they sat down for breakfast.

"No!" snorted Mercutio.

"I think it was mean" mumbled Benvolio.

"He deserved it!" argued Mercutio "And anyway, why are we whispering? We're speaking Italian. He can't understand us!"

"Yes, but Prince Escalus can. And if we stir up trouble then-"

"Then all he'll do is tell us off. I'm shaking in my knee caps" mocked Mercutio.

"Where's King Harry?" asked Benvolio.

"Probably praying somewhere" shrugged Mercutio.

"Mercutio, that's mean!"

"But he probably is!" exclaimed Mercutio "I'm stating a fact. How is that being rude?"

They looked back at the table. Harry's space was empty. Margaret sat on one side, poking at her breakfast. Edouard sat on the other, not touching anything, and sulking.

"Just you wait until he gets all the coal from under the tree" Mercutio grinned.

* * *

"Is it true that Edouard really got a sack of coal for Christmas?" asked Anne.

Richard nodded eagerly "We heard him screaming from our room! And we're on the other side of the palace!"

Anne giggled "Who do you think did it?"

"Santa, of course!" replied Richard "It doesn't matter whether you're a prince or not, Santa only rewards the nice kids"

Anne nodded, and was about to take a mouthful of her cereal, when George leant over.

"Awww, are you talking to your girlfriend, Dickon?"

"Go away, George!" Richard blushed "She's not my girlfriend!"

"Oh, yes she is!" sang George.

"Get lost, you smelly ape!" cried Richard.

"Richard loves Anne!" sang George "Richard loves Anne!"

"Anne loves Richard! Anne loves Richard!" chimed in Isabel.

"Shut up! You know you're only saying that because you two love each other as well!" retorted Richard.

"What?" scowled George.

"No, that's not-" began Isabel.

"George loves Isabel!" shouted Richard.

George blushed bright red "I do not! Shut up, Richard!"

"George loves Isabel! HEY! WARWICK! GEORGE WANTS TO MARRY ISABEL!" Richard yelled down the table.

"Shut up!" George cried. He flung a box of rice crispies at his brother. It flew over Richard's head, spilling it's contents over him and Anne.

"Oooh, you're on!" Richard chucked back a box of cornflakes.

"Stop that at once!" commanded Cecily.

"Zuffa!" chanted Mercutio.

"I'll beat you up!" threatened George, leaping over the table and charging at his younger brother.

"Get off me! Get off me!" screamed Richard, as George tackled him to the ground "Get off of me, you ugly stupid Lancaster face!"

"You're a Lancaster face!" George shouted back, as they wrestled.

"You love the Lancasters!" accused Richard "You want to be Edouard's best friend!"

"No way, he's a prick!"

"I am not!" Edouard screamed from the top table.

"Get him, Richard!" encouraged Ned "Tickle his feet!"

Richard squirmed, and flipped his brother over. He scrambled down, threw off George's shoe and grabbed his foot.

"No! No!" George shrieked "Don't tickle me!"

"Tickle time!" Richard gloated, tickling his brother's foot. George shrieked and squealed, thrashing, trying to break free of Richard's vicelike grip. A strange reedy wail emerged from his throat as Richard tickled.

"Stop it, right now!" roared Cecily, charging at the boys. She pulled Richard off his brother. George lay limply, getting his breath back. Ned was laughing, Edmund was giggling, and York himself snorted. Cecily turned and glared at her husband "You think this was funny, Rich?"

"I'm proud to have such robust boys, Cis!" beamed York.

"George still loves Isabel" sulked Richard.

"You still love Anne" retorted George, clamouring up. Margaret glared down at them.

"I'm taking you to your room" Cecily frowned at her sons "And you will stay there until I come to fetch you. No playing with your new presents either"

"But, mum!" protested Richard "He started it!"

"Mummy!" whined George "Please let me have my presents!"

"No!" snapped Cecily, leading them out the room. The whole hall heard the boys protesting and whining.

"Well," stated Warwick "I can't wait until they're all teenagers. That ought to be very...interesting, to say the least"

* * *

By the time it came to giving out presents, Harry was still nowhere to be seen.

"Find my husband or else" Margaret commanded Somerset and Clifford.

"Yes, your grace" the lords bowed, and then left on their task.

"This is going to be good!" Mercutio rubbed his hands together "Lancastrian Brat Prince gets humiliated. In front of everyone!"

"You're terrible!" exclaimed Benvolio "I'm starting to feel bad about it now!"

"Benvolio, Edouard will be grateful to us someday. If I ever acted like he did, then I'd be grateful that someone pulled me up on my behaviour. We're doing him a favour" dismissed Mercutio.

"Ok, I suppose" sighed Benvolio, knowing it was no good arguing with Mercutio.

They waited with bated breath as Edouard charged at his presents and started to rip the paper off of them.

They watched as his face fell, and he whirled around to face his mother.

"It's more coal!" he screamed "Where are my presents?"

"I don't know!" Margaret replied quickly "I think someone is playing a prank on you"

"It's the Yorkists!" Edouard snapped "I bet they did this"

He and his mother glared at Ned.

"No, sorry to disappoint you, Edouard" replied Ned "I am merely a spectator to this unanticipated entertainment"

The whole court remained silent.

"What are they saying?" Benvolio whispered to Gabriel. Gabriel glared at him and shrugged, before stalking off. Benvolio turned back to his friends "Why's he being like that with me?"

"Who cares" Mercutio snickered, as Edouard started to scream at his mother. Margaret looked like she was at her wit's end.

"Poor woman" sighed Adelaide "I'd hate to have a son like that"

Mercutio turned and beamed at his mother "You have me!"

"Yes, I do" Adelaide smiled at her youngest son, and then at Valentine. She hugged them both, as Edouard started screaming again "Thank God I was blessed with such lovely sons!"

* * *

By Christmas lunch, Edouard was seething. Mercutio, Romeo and Benvolio all snorted and giggled as he sat pouting at the table. Richard and George had returned to the hall, sulking that they had missed watching Edouard have his tantrum. Margaret glared across the hall with dark eyes. She was steadily drinking red wine from a rapidly decreasing bottle. Even Harry showed up, being led in by Clifford and Somerset. He looked at Edouard. Edouard looked back at him. There was no affection there.

Tybalt sat tensely, looking at all the Christmas crackers. He quickly looked over at Hermia. Sometimes, when he looked at her, he could immediately hate her and feel angry with her, but now...

Compared to all the other kids, she was so little. And all right, so she was annoying and called him names, but that was Tybalt's place to annoy her back and return the name-calling. He shouldn't expose her and humiliate her in front of everyone like this, should he?

_'She wouldn't hesitate to do this to you'_ he reminded himself.

"Let's all pull the crackers at once!" declared Mercutio "The whole table should link arms and do it!"

"Yeah!"

"Good idea!"

"All right, we'll do it on my count" decided Escalus. He turned to Angelo, who sat by his side, and held out a cracker.

"Look, they're doing the crackers!" exclaimed George "Let's do it altogether like they are!"

"You're on!" Ned grabbed a cracker, and they all linked up. The Lancaster tables all looked over and quickly grabbed their crackers as if to beat them all. The hall was filled with the sound of them snapping open. As usual, there was a scramble to grab the presents inside.

"Hey, Ned, what does this say?" asked Richard, handing over a slip of paper.

Ned glanced at it "Beats me. It's in some funny language. Dad, look at this"

York grabbed it "Hermia è un bastardo? La sua vera madre non è Lady Capulet? That's Italian..."

He turned over and looked at the Veronese table.

Lord Montague pulled out the piece of paper, and read it. His wife glanced over at what it said, and covered her mouth. He handed it to his brother, Anthony, and who showed it to his wife. Her eyes widened.

"What does it say?" pestered Romeo.

"Show me first!" insisted Beatrix.

"I think Egues has some very quick talking to do!" laughed Lord Montague.

"What is it?" snapped Lord Capulet.

"I have one as well" said Angelo. Escalus glanced over and read it.

"Oh!" he gasped.

Gabriel leant over Angelo's shoulder to read it. His dark blue eyes widened, and he giggled maliciously.

"Stop it" hissed Angelo, trying to stuff it away.

"Show me!" snarled Lord Capulet, reaching over.

"What's going on, dad?" asked Hermia, tugging at his sleeve.

"Put that away" said Angelo quickly to the Montagues "Hermia doesn't need to see this"

Lord Capulet grabbed it from Angelo's hands before he could say anything else. Regina read over his shoulder and gasped. Tybalt glanced down at his plate of food, pretending that it was very interesting. Juliet clamoured out of her seat and looked over her father's shoulder to see it.

"Tybalt!" she screamed, turning on him. Tybalt had the decency to blush "You did this!"

Indignation surged through him.

"So what if I did?" he snapped "I hate that brat!"

"I hate you!" Juliet roared "You're horrible! You're the meanest, worst cousin on the planet!"

"What's going on?" asked Hermia "Why is everyone looking at me?"

"Sit down, Hermia" said Lord Capulet steadily. Hermia, as usual, did not do as she was told, and instead grabbed the piece of paper. She read it in one dreadful second.

Her green eyes filled with tears and she left the room without another word. Mercutio went to run after her, but Adelaide grabbed him.

"Tybalt, was this you?" asked Lord Capulet.

"Yes" sulked Tybalt.

"For God's sake, why? And how did you find out?"

"Because I hate her!" Tybalt exploded "She's always annoying me, and being stupid, and ganging up on me and laughing at me with the Montagues, and I'm sick of it! Rosaline's sick of her too. We're all sick of her, and I don't want her in our family anymore. Not when she doesn't belong here"

"Go to your room, Tybalt" said Regina calmly.

"Why? What have I done? I've done us all a massive favour here" scoffed Tybalt.

"Go to your room!" screamed Regina. Tybalt barged out of the hall.

"How did he find out?" Lord Capulet turned to Regina.

"I have no idea. I've never said anything to him that..."

"I overheard you" sobbed Juliet. Lord Capulet turned to his remaining daughter "You and mummy were arguing about her. I heard mum say _'she's your daughter, not mine' _and some other stuff, and I didn't know what to do, so I told Tybalt"

"All right" breathed Lord Capulet. He briefly hugged her to reassure her, and then turned to the rest of the hall "All right, you've seen the show. Now you can all stop gaping and finish lunch and let my family deal with this matter by ourselves"

The Capulets all stood up, and filed out of the hall.

"Yeouch" whispered Ned to York.

Lord Montague turned to his family "I always thought there was something funny about that girl. And the birthdates never did work out quite right"

"Don't, dad" said Romeo quietly.

* * *

"Ah, little Margaret" Queen Margaret swayed, clutching at a glass of wine as she stood over Margaret Beaufort "You don't look very happy"

"Forgive me, your grace" murmured the younger Margaret, gently offering a dummy to baby Henry as he cooed in her arms "I meant no offense"

"None taken" Queen Margaret smiled falsely. She swayed again "I just cannot help but wonder how a mother at her son's first Christmas could seem so dismal"

"I just..." the younger Margaret glanced away "What's been going on...I just can't help but feel that I'm not...or what I'm doing, that...nothing has...nothing has been good enough for Henry"

Queen Margaret laughed. The younger Margaret looked at her, surprised. Queen Margaret laughed hysterically.

"Oh, get used to it!" she laughed, holding her sides "No matter what you do, what you give, nothing will ever be good enough!"

"Are you all right, your grace?" asked Margaret. She wanted to stand up and help the queen to a seat, but Henry had taken over most of her arms.

"I am fine" Queen Margaret insisted "In fact, I have never been happier"

The younger Margaret just watched her.

"All right" sighed Queen Margaret "All right. You've got me. I'm not happy"

"What makes you unhappy?" asked the younger Margaret gently.

"Many reasons. In fact, one day, that little boy in your arms will teach you a couple of them"

Margaret glanced down at Henry. His blue eyes blinked back up at him. He was so pure and sweet and innocent, she doubted the queen's words very much.

"Yes" Queen Margaret smiled "Yes. He'll demand things and take things which aren't his to have. He'll never be satisfied until he has everything he wants, and then he'll clamour for more. He'll drain all of your energy and take you to the very limits of patience. Just when you think everything is ok again...something else will happen and it'll start all over again. People will frown at you and judge you, and there will be nothing you can do"

"Your grace?" whispered Margaret, horrified "Are you talking about...Edouard? Is that how he makes you feel?"

"Oh, yes" the queen admitted "But if it weren't for Edouard, I'd have leapt off the top of Big Ben and into the River Thames. He's the only reason I'm alive"

"After...after all that?"

"Yes" Queen Margaret confirmed "He's all I have. I used to spent hours looking at him when he was Henry's age. His wisps of red hair, tiny little hands and feet. He was such a happy little baby"

She took a breath.

"You always hear the terrible ones were terrible babies. We should have known, even then, we should have known. But it's nonsense. Whenever he was with me he was happy. And no one can take that away from me. Not York, not Harry, not even Edouard himself. How it feels to have someone. Someone of your own. I will do anything for him. No matter what it takes. Whether it kills me or not, I'll do it. I'm his mother, it's my duty"

Both the Margarets were gazing at baby Henry. He gurgled and sucked on his dummy.

The younger Margaret glanced up "How long will it go on?"

"Until we've killed all our enemies" replied Queen Margaret.

"But your grace, every time we deal with an enemy, we create two more"

"Then I suppose it will go on for a very long time"


End file.
